Since that day on the beach Ashley and I have gotten closer, we’re practically together all the time. We eat lunch together everyday and sometimes dinner too. With all that time together I have become more and more dependent on her presence. I know, I know I’m just making it harder on myself to stick to the plan of not letting anyone get too close. I can’t help it, I’m drawn to her like a moth to a flame, an incredibly sweet and sexy flame. When I first met Ashley I’d never to figure her to be such a caring compassionate person, no wait that sounds bad! It’s not that I thought she was heartless when I met her. It’s just now I know for a fact that she sooo very sweet, I mean she goes out of her way to take care of me. It’s the small things that surprise me the most; remembering what flavor of ice cream is my favorite or putting music she thinks I may like on my Ipod so I don’t get stir-crazy in the studio after hours when everything is deathly quiet. She noticed that I hated it quiet while I work, see all very sweet. I’ve also learned a lot about her. Like for some reason she likes only red skittles…drinks her coffee black, she is an amazing cook and many more, there are just too many to name. Try as I might it is so very hard to find flaws in this woman, even her cockiness I find endearing. Yet some things pose a problem, like for example she is not at all modest..she will strip completely naked to change or go take a shower, not really caring if I’m around or not. She makes it very hard not to stare, she’s just so breath-taking. I thinks she does it on purpose, sneaky like devil! And even though either one of us has yet to bring up the title or status of our “relationship”, thank God, I don’t want to go there. We flirt with each other all the time, and not in just a friendly way either. There are lingering touches and there have been a few kisses, each one making me question myself and my strength even more. Ugh, this girl has me so far gone already, shit no no stop thinking that way… Oh and another thing, a few nights she has found reasons for me to spend the night at her loft. Making up excuses like it was late and there was no reason for me to have to go all the way back to campus. And of course I sleep in her bed..breathing in the sweet smell that is uniquely Ashley..going to sleep to the sound of her breathing and then waking up in each other’s arms, one always holding the other one. Not that I don’t like waking up in Ashley’s arms because I love it. It is heaven and I feel so safe in her arms. It just complicates things in my head. I really do care for Ashley..a great deal actually, I don’t know how I ever lived without her in my life. She brings out the best in me. That is why I’m scared to death that history will repeat itself and I’ll end up heartbroken again. Sometimes things just get so intense I have to pull back for fear of what may happen. I find that it is happening a lot more lately and I know by the look on her face that it hurts her..I hate that I am the reason for any of her unhappiness. She just looks at me with those eyes…it kills me. Though even with all the fear I still can’t keep myself from Ashley. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I guess really all that can be done is to just not worry about things and see where they go.
The professor droned on, her mouth was moving but, I heard nothing. Medieval Art…normally I wouldn’t mind this class though today it is not the case. My mind was on other things. My mind was on Ashley…..where my mind always is these days.