Chapter Eleven – Withdrawal

                Ashley’s fingers shook as she pressed each button on the pay phone.  This was her third attempt, having dialed the wrong number twice due to her nervousness and the withdrawal effects.  She took a deep breath and pressed the last of the ten digits.  She gripped the phone tight as she held it to her ear and listened to the ringing.

                “Pick up…pick up…,” she whispered silently to herself as she closed her eyes, trying to control the nauseating feeling.

                The line clicked and Ashley’s breath hitched for a moment.  “Hello?”

                “Hey!  You’ve reached Spencer.  Leave a message at the beep!”

                Ashley sighed when she heard the unwelcomed noise, but balanced the phone between her ear and shoulder and unfolded a crumpled piece of paper.  She had written it all down so she wouldn’t forget.

                “Spencer…hey.  I mean…hello.  I dunno…um,” Ashley took a deep breath and focused on the words on the paper.  “One of the steps here is to call and make amends to all the people that I hurt while I was fucked up.  I don’t have too many people to apologize to but of the few, I’ve called you last.  I’m sorry for leaving you when you needed me most.  I checked out.  I thought you were strong enough to hold us together and I didn’t realize that I was the one ripping us apart.  I’m sorry for every time I made you cry and I wish we could just go back to a time before all of this.  If we could, there’s so much I would change and maybe I wouldn’t be here.  Maybe, I’d be lying in your arms right now, watching some cheesy chick flick and telling you I love you more than life itself.” 

Ashley paused to wipe the tears from her cheeks that had begun to fall.  “But we can’t go back and I need to live with the decision I’ve made, but please know that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you.  Um…I wrote a song.  Actually, I write a lot of songs, but this one…it’s for you.”  Ashley shoved her hand in her back pocket and pulled out another crumpled piece of paper; even more dog-eared than the first.  She tapped her hand against her leg to keep a beat and carefully read the words through water damaged eyes.