I started to understand some things a little better.

But overall, I was completely confused. I had (somewhat vainly and clearly ignorantly) accepted that Jacob’s love for me was totally, eternal, and completely irrevocable; he’d said almost as much, if not in so many words. But I realised just how naïve I had been.

I cried, of course. My love for him, at least, remained-though it had been buried deep and was no only starting to resurface. I began to appreciate beyond what I could have before, of how Jacob had felt all that time ago. It was…interesting how those things turned around. It wasn’t that long ago, after all, that I would have imagined this position simply absurd; almost an impossibility.

Who could have predicted it would have turned out like this?

He rang. Quite a lot; couldn’t seem to understand why I wasn’t replying. Strangely enough, Charlie didn’t seem bothered about it-that is, he didn’t seem surprised when I didn’t call back. I guess he knew about the blond. Maybe that’s why he was so wary, at first…

I listened to the messages he left; it seemed I had become a twisted sort of masochist, determined to be as filled with pain as was possible. Every time I heard his voice, another shred of me tore away to join him. The little of me that was left was desperately clinging on. But the problem was that everything was slipping away.

About a week after I stopped talking to Jacob, he came over to the house. Charlie tried to tell him to go away, but Jake simply looked confused, and demanded to see me. After a while, Charlie just let him come inside-but with a frosty glare and tone. Looking slightly guilty now, I saw Jacob walk inside, and shortly afterwards, walk up the stairs. It continued to amaze me how someone so large could step so softly.

“…Bella?” He whispered through a crack in my door. I rolled my eyes; did he think I was dead or something? I was just…well; hurt, I guess. I was silent, and he took it as an invitation to come in. I didn’t meet his eyes, simply remained gazing at the wall in front of me.