I woke up to find myself being pushed out of the doors to the hospital, I turned my head and smiled; it was Helena. She was the bridge in between me and Tina and I was grateful for that.

“Hello sleepy head, ready to leave this hell hole”. She laughed as she continued to push me in my wheelchair.

“Of course I am, I can’t wait to see Tina. When we spoke the other day it seemed so natural; better than before all this happened, if that even makes sense. I guess there is hope, and by the way I appreciate you taking me home I’m guessing Kit was busy but she’ll pop over later.”

“Erm about that…” She whizzed me round to face her next to her car.

“What? Has something happened?” My mind went into overdrive thinking of endless and crazy unrealistic possibilities.

“Calm down nothing bad, well not in that sense I’m hoping this will be a good thing. As Tina has been ill and I’ve been balancing my time between the hospital and home I thought well… We all thought it would be easier if you stayed with me for a while at least until you recover that is.” She sheepishly smiled as she covered her eyes from the sun that was blocking our eye contact.

“So I’m staying with you? I don’t get it why would it be easier? Wouldn’t Tina hate you for this? Anyway’s who is we?”
“Calm down Bette what’s with the fifty questions? Yes you would be staying with me, it would be easier so I can care for yourself and Tina under one roof less travelling back and forth on my behalf. And although maybe I shouldn’t tell you Tina is ok with you staying she wants you to get better and fast. And we is myself, Tina and Kit. Any more questions Porter?”. I watched as she tossed her hair aside and placed my things in the trunk of her car. She did it so particularly with care; I’d never seen this side to her nature before the after-care of Helena Peabody.

“Where will I sleep? Won’t you get sick of taking care of me? And I’m sure I can cope on my own.” I knew full well that I would need help but it was an unusual feeling to rely on others to take care of me.

“I have a room set up for you and of course I won’t its my pleasure it may sound crazy but you and Tina are the only people I see as family here, obviously other than my children.” She guides me into the passenger seat with such precision and attention for making sure I didn’t injury myself further.

I smile as she buckles me in, like a mother would do. ” I want to thank you for looking after Tina, I mean I know she has had the… I mean I know she’s been ill. So thank you. You’re like the sister I never had growing up; you know that.” She needed to know, this Better Porter was open about everything maybe too open but only time will tell.

“Ahhh Bette”, she engulfed me in a small hug and stared at me with such love and devotion. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. I guess this sister better help you win Tina back and fast.” I laughed as she put her foot on the gas and we weaved through a back log of traffic; she had unusual taste when it came to music somewhat like Kit always has. As we sat comforted by the silence and music that filled the air; alongside honking of cars and general bustle of WeHo central. She was playing a local talent from back home which she explained was from Glasgow. An extraordinary voice who was yet to make it to the bigtime.

As the track played; I felt the words sink in. This woman had got me relating to near enough every word she sang. I never really related to music before on such a personal level, but I agree it helped me too free my worries and bad spirits; hoping and constantly wishing I would never give up. But that’s what made her special Helena explained to me her name was Jill Jackson. And Helena promised in a few months when I was better we would go and visit her at a gig. The excitement of learning and experiencing new things was overwhelming but enticing to say the least.

When we arrived at her place it brought back snippets of memories of what had happened a week or so ago. I had to let go of those sad moments and start afresh with myself and Tina. I breathed in deeply as we entered her extravagant house, the light made it look even more beautiful as the mid afternoon sun cascaded perfectly into the house through those amazingly grand windows.

Helena could see how much I wanted to explore her home by my prying eyes. She smiled, “So let’s show you around your new home for the next few weeks.”

“Is Tina around? This feels slightly weird sorry it’s not you, just last time me and Tina met here well you know what happened.”

“Tina’s gone out for lunch with Dana, she wanted to give you time to settle in. So are we ready or what?” She chuckled as she pushed the wheelchair hard as if to scare me; she did. Scaring the living daylights out of me, she caught me though I trusted she would.

“You shouldn’t scare the shit out of me like that, I could have died just then from a heartattack.” I laughed at my own statement I was playing her at her own game.

“Come on where is your sense of adventure? I think if you want Tina back you will have to stop being so uptight and have fun, show her the new fun-loving Bette. And also you will see that Tina is not the woman she once was with you; I guess you have both changed.”

As we approached the big staircase I was frightened; it looked like the biggest mountain on this Earth. I knew at some point I would have to approach this head on but today wasn’t one of those days.

I just looked over towards Helena, she was smiling broadly at me.

“Why the hell are your grinning so bad? This is a mountain for me to overcome.” I felt like such a wuss.

“This is why”. She scooped me out of the chair and flopped me over her right shoulder. This was the most craziest idea I had seen her think she could accomplish.

“Helena this isn’t a good idea, you will hurt yourself and in my condition I won’t be much use to you.” My words were muffled through her clothes as my lips were brushing against her tank top.

We arrived at the top safely, Helena had strength for such a thin woman.

“I knew I wouldn’t drop you, I’m in good shape these days”. She chuckled before continuing, “I’m eating a lot better now I’m cooking things fresh for me and Tina, also all the extra work I’m dealing with at the office. I’m always on the go.”

“You are in better shape than I thought; shit I didn’t mean it like that. I mean you ain’t fat but oh I should just shut up now.” I was embarrassed and hoped Helena didn’t take what I said the wrong way last thing I needed was to lose another friend due to my insensitive ways .

“I think that’s wise don’t you; you was just digging yourself an even bigger hole.” She glared at me, I almost believed she was upset, but then a smile crept up to turn the edges of her mouth.

“I knew what you meant, I’m just messing with you”. She lightly punched my arm as we continued the tour of the house.

I was in a little bit of pain; but it was worth it to view the beautiful view from Helena’s balcony. The view of the serene ocean as it built up current in the change of wind. The sand so pure; I wanted to be sharing this moment with Tina. Not that I didn’t care to be sharing it with Helena, it was just so beautiful and I’d never experienced pleasure from looking at nature in that sense.

********

Tina arrived home a few hours later to find that Bette was already in bed. She knew today must have taken it out of her. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad about not seeing Bette. Her lunch with Dana was a diversion; she was scared about seeing Bette again. Scared of all the things she would feel; her heart would always out weigh her head it always did when it came to Bette.

She reminisced about the times Bette had been her strength when she most needed it; the loss of their son. Although she couldn’t neccessarily condone Bette’s betrayal she failed to see that the woman she loved was hurting inside too. Her own pain took priority and their partnership lacked equally supporting each other in a way only lovers could do.

She now understood a sense of the dark haired brunette’s heartache and pressure she was under. Everyone has a breaking point; Bette’s took a long time and happened in the worst way. But she wanted to talk about all this. Talking with Bette was tiring, sometimes it felt like all the words in the world couldn’t make things ok again.

She was broken from her thoughts by Helena entering the kitchen it startled her, she thought she had been out.

“Oh hey I thought you was out”.

“No I was waiting for you to get back, I have to pop over to see the kids for a few hours. How was your lunch?”.

“It was ok, is it bad that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to see Bette yet? I know I’ve had over a week to prepare myself but I don’t know”. Tina felt at a loss, as she watched Helena gather her things together to leave.

“No its not I guess you’re just unsure of how things are going to be between you. Bette’s tucked up in bed, it was a big day for her. She’s had her pills for the night and should sleep straight through , she’s out for the count. Wouldn’t even wake if there was an earthquake I don’t think”. Helena chuckled as she slipped on her jacket and picked up her car keys.

“I guess she won’t”.

“Have a good night if I don’t see you before you go to sleep. Night Tina”.

“Night H”.

Helena left Tina alone and the house never felt so empty she knew the woman she loved was only down the hall sleeping. She wanted to see her; she knew that now she was asleep she was safe there would be no talking for tonight.

As she mentally prepared herself for the sight of her ex-lover, she fought with her subconscious to not go through with what she was about to do.

Through the door she could hear the light snores that Bette produced, she smiled she hadn’t realised how much she had missed that sound until now.

She quietly opened the door; nothing prepared her for the sight before her. Tina admired Bette’s choice of pyjamas, a white tank top followed by her white and blue pin striped bottoms. Tina never knew how someone could look so beautiful whilst they slept but also look like a million dollars dressed down; stripped to the core.

She was hesitant of whether to invade Bette’s privacy, but she couldn’t help herself. As her eyes cast upon the mocha skin, and the dark brown hair that complimented her face so perfectly. She was quick to observe the slight bruises on her skin, they were fading. The yellowish-purple indications of what her body had been through. Through her smile, tears escaped she wished that the accident had never happened. Although she herself knew that if it hadn’t happened, she wouldn’t be here willingly wanting to watch her sleep.

She inched herself closer, unsure if the brunette would wake with her presence. Slowly she worked her way to the foot of the bed, her heart beat constantly not letting her forget that she was still in love. The feelings had never surpassed; just been placed in a mythical box.

Her eyes were drawn to the sleeping brunette, as if she was a magnet the attraction pulling her closer to her objective. Not necessarily with the force of how a magnet would normally attract to its prey but Tina was drawn in all the same, even if she was apprehensive.

Tina edged her way around the bed, deciding to not place herself directly over her ex. She pressed her body down into the mattress, her breathe got caught in her throat as Bette stirred in her sleep. She thought she had been caught. She hadn’t even thought this through properly. But that was the point at this moment in time she didn’t want to over analyze everything and anything; she just needed her even if the brunette never knew how much.

Tina’s body froze, she was scared her touch would wake the brunette. She calmed her heavy breathing as she breathed in Bette’s scent. It always calmed her, she could never work out why.

She eased herself so she was on her side to admire the beauty of the woman lying next to her. She never thought she would be this up close and see her again in this portrait. Her pale fingers inched their way to Bette’s arm, she trailed light brushes against the smooth caramelized skin, her fingers weaved so carelessly as her body understood the true extent of her touch.

Her fingers traced Bette’s arm and exposed skin where her tank top finished and her pyjama bottoms began. Her body spooned Bette’s for the first time since they had met, this was never an option for the brunette. She was uptight, and liked to be in every sense controlling the situation. Although Tina knew her spooning Bette was not through Bette relenting; she still enjoyed the warmth as their bodies touched.

Tina could feel how at ease she had felt within the brunette’s presence, all the pain remained but she wanted to forget about it until she could let it go. She knew it was possible, they just needed to talk and make themselves open to one another completely without shutting each other out.

Her eyes fell onto the brunette’s neck, skin so sacred and pure. It was her weak point. She placed a small kiss on the smooth skin, and placed her head right next to the brunette’s. She curled into her even tighter, as her body relaxed she could feel the tiredness washing over her. She closed her eyes, even as she fell to sleep she thought of Bette and how much they had been through and despite all that she loved her as much as the day they met.

Helena arrived home later than planned after visiting her children, she had lost track of time. She hadn’t thought about it before in much detail but she did miss the family life she had to offer the children. She knew that this arrangement was not neccessarily the best, but she was trying her best and that’s what counted.

She would check on both Bette and Tina before bed, starting with Bette as her room was downstairs. As Helena thumbled with her phone to check her latest message off Dana. ‘Did Tina get home ok? I’ve msgd her n rang her loadsa times? Need 2 c u and soon. Dana x

She didn’t read too much into Dana’s worries as she knew Tina probably hadn’t heard her phone or have it on her; she never did these days.

She tiptoed towards Bette’s room and noticed the door was slightly ajar, she pushed it back and was amazed at the sight; Tina and Bette in the same bed. Tina in Bette’s bed.

She had to chuckle to herself slightly at the view, it hadn’t taken long for her plan to get them back together and set the wheels in motion.

Their bodies moulded as one, as Tina’s tummy rested into Bette’s back. Both women oblivious to the gazing eyes from the door way.

Helena spoke to herself “I think Tina is more than fine. And so is Bette for that matter.”

She had a cunning idea to ensure they both understood just how much they still loved one another and all hope was not lost.

She pulled her phone out of her pocket and took a picture as Bette and Tina lay asleep blissfully unaware their actions would be caught out.