The dark enveloped Tina like a comforting blanket. The road ahead was clear and the headlights seemed to be pulling her forward. She had stopped the CD player long ago because every song seemed to have a memory attached to it. The radio had been on scan for, she didnt know how long, and she didnt care. She would be at her mothers house in half an hour and soon she would call her mother and tell her that she was almost there. Her stomach tightened a little at the thought of seeing her mother, of possibly needing to explain or of just crying. But she also felt happy and comforted. She hadnt seen her mother in almost a year and then it had only been a brief visit with Bette.
On the phone her mother had been surprised and delighted to hear that she was coming. After the miscarriage she had wanted to fly to LA right away but Tina had refused. Too much pain, too much confusion and turmoil with the Provocations protestors. Now Tina wondered if she had made the right decision then. Maybe if her mother had been there to comfort her she wouldnt have been so depressed orneedy orfuck that, she thought, surprising herself at her sudden anger. I didnt do anything wrong. I lost a baby for chrissakes. Hmm – maybe Im starting the anger phase of this – what would Foxworthy say?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the cell phone. Tina s stomach tightened – it could always be Bette, although shed only called once and then Tina didnt pick-up when she saw the number.
She held up the phone: Mom.
Hi Mom.
Tina, where are you?
Almost there, I was about to call. I dont know, 20 min. or so. OK, see you soon. No, Im fine, not tired at all. Ok, bye.
When she pulled in the driveway her mother was standing in the doorway, silhouetted by the light from the interior. Tina cut the engine and teared up just a little.
God, I am glad to see her she thought.
Lobo, Diane Kennards german shepherd was barking the whole time and straining to be released from her grip.
Tina opened the car door and stood up, just a little stiff from the long ride. She smiled and called the dog since they were old pals. His bark changed to one happy yelp and his tail started to wag. Diane let him go and he bounded out to Tina. She patted him and bent down and hugged him and he licked her face. She smiled.
Well he sure remembers you, Diane said.
Tina walked to the house with the dog trotting happily after her.
Inside there was a warm glow all around from the soft lights of the house. Her mother wrapped her arms around her tightly and Tina returned the affection. She rested her head on her mothers shoulder and tears formed in her eyes.
Its so good to see you honey, her mother said.
Tina wanted to speak but couldnt. When she pulled away she saw the tears in her mothers eyes and let her own flow down her cheeks. Her mother embraced her again. Its alright honey, I know.
Later, Tina was sitting at the kitchen table with Lobo at her feet and a steaming cup of tea in front of her.
Diane was on the other side of the counter buttering toast. She has offered Tina all kinds of food but she had refused it all.
Well, theres nothing left then, her mother said finally and proceeded to make toast.
Diane placed the plate in front of Tina and the familiar aroma of cinnamon wafted up to Tinas nose. She smiled, thinking of the countless pieces of cinnamon toast she had eaten as a child and as an adult. It was a sure-fire comfort food for her and full of memories of her mothers warmth.
Funny, I havent eaten any this week, she thought.
Tina took a bite and felt a moment of pure happiness for the first time in recent memory.
This is so good, she said.
Her mother smiled and nodded.
Sometimes its the best meal there is.
Tina ate and her mother talked. Wayne, Dianes partner of many years, was away on a business trip until Thursday. Hed called from Taiwan this morning. Lobo had faced down a rattler the week before last and it had taken all her strength to get him away. Work was hectic but she felt really good about her new assistant. They re-did the tile in the guest bathroom and she wanted Tina to tell her how she liked it.
Tina heard most of it but wasnt truly listening. Her brain was so tired, it just felt good to be sitting here and hearing her mothers voice. She was happy that her mother didnt ask her any questions, but she knew that they were coming – maybe tomorrow.
Later, when they said goodnight, Diane gave her another warm hug. Im so happy youre here sweetie. Stay as long as you need to.
The tears welled up in Tinas eyes. Thanks, was all she could manage.
The soft, sweet smelling sheets felt like heaven against her skin. Alices couch was a haven, but not a comfortable one. She lay on her back and spread her arms out, luxuriating in the space.
A wave of tightness swept through her body as a flash memory came to her. Bette beside her in this bed. She gasped and then sighed.
Im so damned tired, she thought.
She closed her eyes and concentrated on the softness around her and the warmth of her mothers embrace.


If Tina had been awake the next morning when her mother called she would have heard Diane leave a message about the neighbor who comes to walk the dog every day. But Tina was asleep and when she did wake up she didnt think to check the message machine.
In fact, Tina was splashing water on her face in the bathroom when she heard Lobo bark once and then the sound of the front door opening. She dried her face quickly and opened the bathroom door. Someone was talking to the dog.
Mom? she said as she walked into the livingroom.
A woman stood up, startled.
Ohno
Tina was surprised to see a stranger standing there.
Oh my Godum..
Im Mary I walk the dog.
Oh, Tina said, taking a breath. OK, umsorry, I didnt know. Tina felt her cheeks flush as she realized she was standing in the tank top and underpants shed worn to bed the night before. She took a giant step to the right to take refuge behind a chair.
Im Tina, Dianes daughter. She looked at the other womans face for the first time and saw that her cheeks were pink too.
Oh, sure. Mary said, nodding and smiling softly.
There was an awkward moment when the only sound was Lobos tail beating rhythmically against the side of the couch.
Well, Mary said, I guess well go for our walk.
OK Tina said with a smile.
Well be back in 20 minutes or so, Mary said.
OK, great. Ill be ready this time.
The two women looked at each other and smiled.
When the door closed Tina let out a sigh and leaned forward on the chair. That was embarrassing. She said aloud. She looked at the clock – almost 1pm. Wow, I cant believe I slept that long. In a few moments she was in the shower, enjoying the warm water rolling down her body. She dried off and dressed quickly in a t-shirt and shorts.
In the kitchen she found a note from her mother next to a thermal carafe of coffee. Tina smiled reading her mothers greetings, her admonition to eat and her promise to take Tina to her favorite restaurant tonight for dinner.
Tina poured herself a cup of coffee and sat by the window in the sun to collect her thoughts. Before long there was a soft knock on the door and then it opened slowly. Lobo bounded in first.
Tina went in to greet him. Hi again, she said to Mary as she bent down to pet the dog. How was your walk?
Oh great, Mary said, Its a beautiful day. She stood just inside the door and was wrapping and unwrapping the leash around her hand as she talked. She was tall, with broad shoulders and soft brown hair that framed her face.
I guess Ive slept through half of it, Tina smiled. Would you like some coffee?
No thanks, I I should get going, Mary said, and looked down at the floor.
Tina noticed her shyness.
Oh. Uh – do you come everyday?
Yeah, well everyday your Mother goes to work. I live down the road.
Oh, thats nice. Lobo must love it.
Mary nodded. We both enjoy our walks. Hes good company, sometimes I bring him to my house for the afternoon.
Oh Tina felt fuzzy, like her brain was still sleeping. She felt she should be saying something or doing something to lessen the awkward feeling that was still in the room, but she couldnt think of what to do.
Mary sighed. Nice to meet you, she said and extended her hand.
Tina shook her hand, noting it felt cold and moist. Nice to meet you too, Mary
Mary turned to leave and then stopped. Ummm should I come tomorrow, or
Tina thought for a second. Yeah, yeah, I dont know what Im gonna do, so you two keep your routine. Im sorry about earlier my Mom didnt mention anything
Oh, no, dont apologize. Im sorry I scared you, Mary said.
Oh, its Ok. Ill see you around, I guess.
Mary nodded again and looked away. She still had the leash wound around her left hand. Oh, I should leave this with you. She unwound it quickly and hung it by the door.
She looked briefly at Tina, who thought she saw her blush slightly.
Bye
Bye, Mary.
Tina stood for a moment looking at the closed door and letting Lobo lick her hand.
Her stomach rumbled.
Cmon Lobo, lets go see whats in the kitchen.