Tina is lying down, she has been for an hour. I have mostly been wandering around aimlessly, well not entirely aimlessly. I have been thinking how I will explain what happened between Candace and myself and not make myself sound like a total self absorbed *****. As yet no real answers come to me. I dont think I can explain my way out of it. Part of the problem is I dont really know how much Tina will want to know. And I know she said to be honest but there is honesty and there is honesty. One can tell the facts and still leave certain things out. Truth is merely a perception of the facts. Her truth is different from mine. Its just how one perceives the facts. I cannot resist the temptation to look in on Tina, without thinking I walk into the room that has been my bedroom for the last three weeks and now is hers, not that I mind, at all. I walk in, she is so beautiful, her fair and soft skin laying on those cream cotton sheets. She is laying on her side with her back to me. She must be tired because the sun shines through that front window and she is sound asleep. The room is otherwise plain. I deliberately didnt put much in the rooms. It is meant to be a shack, not a house. Keeping it uncluttered helped me keep my thoughts uncomplicated. Suddenly I am assaulted with the images of when I first arrived and slept in this room, with the blinds and windows open. I looked out at the stars for hours, late into the night, searching for answers as to why I was so blessed once and now everything was so fucked. The sea breeze. I was lonely and I wished that Tina was lying there with me to see the simple beauty. I used to sleep the day away, just not to be awake. It made me often think Tina and I should be simple, we love each other, right ? Lets just start over, put it behind us, but that was never realistic. It wasnt like I hadnt declared my undying love. I remember the lawyers office, I pleaded with her not to destroy us. My questions as to whether she loved me went unanswered. She didnt even tell me about the baby.