I look like *****! God my eyes. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and to my horror; my eyes were swollen from the crying last night. I dont think any amount of concealer could help hide it. Well dark shades should do it for the time being. I just woke up half hour ago when Bette called. Yes! Bette called. I dont know how she got my number but I was so glad. I just needed to go out and talk to someone. Maybe Bette is the wrong person to talk to at the moment but I didnt have anyone else.

I walked to my bedroom and noticed my answering machine flashing. I pressed and played the message.

Eric: Tina? Honey are you there? Im really sorry for how I reacted. I just Are you sure about this? We can work things out you know? I mean I can give you the space you need we dont need this. Please call me. I love you.

My heart breaks with each word. I really didnt mean to hurt him. I thought about calling him last night but I just couldnt bring myself to. I already hurt him in ways that no one can. I just didnt want to cause him anymore pain. So I slept last night crying not for the lost of our love and relationship but for the guilt. Even after listening to his message I wasnt able to bring myself to return his call. I just wasnt ready to talk to him. Nor am I ready to talk to anyone about the matter.

I sighed. I took one last look at myself in the mirror, put on my shades and walked out of the apartment. I drove to the gallery deranged from last nights disaster. I wondered how Eric was doing. I still felt guilty about leaving him. Hes always been the sweet guy that he is. I remembered he surprised me with flowers when I had a very bad day at work, and ran me a hot bath after cooking me dinner. He was just so sweet and I just dont think I deserved him.

The drive to the gallery was short as it was only a few blocks away from my apartment. I sat in my car wondering if I was doing the right thing. I mean I just broke up with my boyfriend who seems to still want me even after what Ive done to him and now I was sitting in the car about to have lunch with the person who kissed me. I contemplated driving back to my apartment and calling in to cancel the lunch with Bette but I thought it was rude to do so. Especially after she nicely and politely asked me to so I could talk to her. Shes probably a busy woman who took her precious time to have lunch with me. God!

I checked myself again in my rearview mirror. Lifted my shades so I could see my eyes. Theyve gotten better but I still have dark circles under my eyes and not to mention the bags! I put them back on. Right, theres no turning back now, I thought. I turned off the engine and climbed out of my car. I couldnt believe it. My hands were cold. I was still nervous seeing Bette. I tried to sound cool and collected on the phone earlier this morning when she called. Now? Im sure she could see right through me!

I walked slowly to the gallery and when I reached the reception desk, Bettes assistant from the other day greeted me.

Jason: Hi. You must be Miss Kennard. Miss Porter is expecting you. Please have a seat while I let her know youre here.

I sat on the leather couch while browsing through LA Magazine. I have never read this magazine but it looked interesting. I flipped the pages and found a Top Ten List of Places to Visit and noticed that The Bette Porter Gallery was one of the spots to visit. Very interesting. People would definitely come here to see both the arts and the gallery owner. I smiled to myself thinking I do the same thing too

Bette: Tina? Sorry to keep you waiting.

I closed the magazine and extended my arms.

Tina: Hi. No problem. Ive only been waiting a minute or two. So where should we go?

Bette: Umm what do you feel like eating?

Tina: I dont really mind.

Bette: Heavy or light?

Tina: Im kinda hungry.

Bette: Good I am too.

Bette smiled at me. Her smile is so contagious I smiled. God she is so beautiful. Stop it Tina. You just broke up with Eric this is not the time!

Bette: Ok well go to Emilios its just around the corner so we can just walk? Its Italian. Is that ok with you? Or youd prefer someplace else?

Tina: No, no its fine.

Bette: Jason, please hold all my calls and not direct them to my cell? Thanks. Ok come on lets go.

I followed Bette as my nervousness fade. She has this power to make you feel completely nervous and as soon as she smiles, you just feel at home. The walk to Emilios was pleasant; Bette telling me how she runs her gallery and sometimes work from home. I just listened and nodded at the appropriate time. The way she talks, she just oozes confidence. I like listening to her talk; how her eyes lit up with every remark. Then there it was, the feeling I havent had in a while; I felt butterflies in my stomach!