Shane: Tina..Tina

Tina: I cant.

Shane: I know

Tina: I cant..move

Shane; I know. Ill just sit here. We dont have to talk.

45 minutes later

Shane: I can leave if you wantbut Im also just fine being here.

Tina: dont leave

Shane: fineIll just sit here

30 minutes later

Tina: Im confused.

Shane: we will figure it out.

20 minutes later

Tina: I should be feeling angry or sad ..but but.

Shane: what?

Tina: Mostly, I feel relieved.

Shane: ohrelievedin what way

Tina: well, relieved that at least we are not in the state we have been in these last few months I couldnt take that a moment longer

Shane: what do you mean.

Tina: well these last few monthswe have only been going through the motions as a couple.we really were in a terrible place.there was so much tension

Shane: oh..I could feel it,,,,

Tina: something had to give.and as horrible as I am feeling about Can..you know.in some way I feel better than I did before Provocations.it is better than these last months.I mostly feel relieved that that situation is over.

Shane: what now..

Tina: I dont know.

Shane: what was causing the tension.

Tina: well, Bette just always seemed unhappy with medissatisfied.It seemed I couldnt do anything right..and thern I would do stupid things also

Shane: did you talk to her about it?

Tina: I think I got tired of fighting her

Shane: so you did nothing to change the situation

Tina: well, it really was her fault

Shane: this isnt about laying blameyou were both in the situation together and if you didnt try to influence her behavior to change ,then of course it was going to continue.

Tina: she is a grown woman.

Shane: yes, but hopefully we are all still evolving.and isnt that each partners job..

Tina: what do you mean

Shane: well nobody changes spontaneously, there has to be a force leaning on it that helps instigate the change

Tina: and so?

Shane: well, as a partner in a team, part of your responsibility is to help each other evolve toward emotional healthto give feedback that is honest and direct.not hurtful and accusatory..but helpful..

Tina: so youre saying that I am to blame.

Shane: Not at all. Im just asking how it could be different in the future. Since you both love each other.how can you help each other.

Tina: I dont love being with her when she is like that.

Shane: but,,,you do

Tina: yes, I do love her.I just cant continue in that environment.under that tension all the time.

Shane: and you shouldntthat isnt a healthy place.

Tina: so, it had to end.

Shane: well, it had to change

Tina: do you believe in change.

Shane: totally. I believe that everyone has an incredible capacity to keep growing.to become fully actualized..I believe that it is our basic human instinct to strive for that.we just keep getting in our own way with ego – with needs – with neurotic requirements that prevent us from getting there

Tina: so how can we do better

Shane: well, love does help..friendship love, romantic love, parental love.a place in which our soul can grow.

Tina: that is a wonderful place. Bette and I used to have thata place where we felt safe and acceptedsomehow we lost it..

Shane: you can get it back

Tina: Im not so sure

Shane: it is there – you need to be willing to do the hard work to get at it – but you know it exists — it just got buried

Tina: Buried under a lot of hurt and pain. Im not so sure that it wouldnt just be easier to just walk away and move on.

Shane: well, Im sure it seems easier at this point.

Tina: so why not just have it end..

Shane well, what makes you think that you can find this potential again..this incredible place full of soulful devotion caring and joyfulness the space that you and Bette have built together.. we are all searching for it and you know it exists for you -it just needs to be unearthed.

Tina: God, I miss that space. Im not sure I know how ..

Shane: Yes, you do. Only you really know those answers. You know yourself better than anyoneyou need to trust yourself..be honest and heartfeltgive Bette and yourself the possibility of growthdont box each other in with a fixed version of who you think you are let it evolve.let each other evolve..

Tina: help me.

Shane: Im here for you.