Bette: Hi

Shane: Hi .how was your day?

Bette: how is she?

Shane: how did you know

Bette: I figured you went to see

Shane: yeahwe got to talk some

Bette: she hates me

Shane: well, nomaybeshe seems to be more in a state of relief..

Bette: relief?

Shane: well, we didnt talk so much about you and Can you know..but more about the tension in your home…and I think there is a lot of relief that that is over..

Bette: you mean we areover?

Shane: well, what you had is over..

Bette: whatno

Shane: I mean the relationship that existed in that last year or twois over..it was so unhealthy for both of you . You both knew it.but, you couldnt figure a way out of it.

Bette: but we had wonderful times..I love her.truly, madly, deeply

Shane: yes.and then it got buried.all the lovethe caring.it got buried under a whole lot of small digs at each othersmall slights.that chipped away at the foundation..crumbled and got buried.

Bette: but its there.I still feel it.and.I believe that Tina does also.I dont think that these feelings can exist one way.I think that this type of love only exists in a two way environmentso if Im still feeling it.then maybeI need to believemaybe Tina does also..


Shane: it might exist.but it is under a whole lot of stuffand it is going to need some air to breathe..you guys forgot about what intimacy really means.

Bette: intimacy?

Shane: look, I know Im no expert.but I do know what the responsibility of being intimate with someone means.maybe that is why Im not sure if I can handle it.but I do see it.and I learned a lot from observing you and Tina.and then I saw you both lose it..

Bette: what do you mean the responsibility?

Shane: well, intimacy means a sharing of your reality. You sort of adopt,at least part of ,
each others view of the world.

Bette: Oh, I thought you were talking about physical intimacy

Shane; no, this is almost more importantand more challenging…an emotional intimacy..where the other persons view has a serious effect on your own..where a trust in that persons evaluation is so high that their views are accepted with very little screening

Bette: we had that..I loved to hear Tinas take on things. Things that were happening in our lives.sometimes it really gave me strength to take some action if I knew that she was with me on it

Shane: exactly.

Bette: and, I know I helped her sometimes..I know I have been supportive.sometimes….god, I hope she gives me another chance to share her life.

Shane: but.

Bette: ohthe responsibility?

Shane: well, lets say now there are two intimate souls and so they trust each others opinions highly..

Bette: ok..

Shane: well that means that they believe that in that evaluationthat feedbackthat realitythey believe that because they are intimate that their best interests will be taken to heart..

Bette: tell me more.

Shane: well, if someone is giving you an opinion.helping you make important decisions..even small decisions.commenting on you as a person .and you are embracing that input somewhat blindly because you are intimate then that person has a lot of influence.


Bette: and with that influence comes the responsibility.

Shane: exactlythat other person is counting on you to give feedback based on love and compassion..they are assuming that their happiness is a major factor in the process.

Bette: but

Shane: but if needs and cravings, your neurotic tendencies, as Jenny would put it – your inner demons – ,are undermining the thought processthen sometimes that advice, that input is not sound, it is detrimental and yet it is accepted.and it is hurtful.

Bette: and you saw that happen.

Shane: you have to understandthat each time you picked on Tina.each time you let your need to lash out.each time you projected some dissatisfaction.you chipped away at her soul.

Bette: oh, god.I didnt realize.

Shane: I know, your neurotic craving for a release from your own self berating overwhelmed your desire to have Tina feel good about herself.to feel loved.to feel lovable.

Bette: but, she is so loved.so lovable

Shane: I know thatwe all know that.but when your input is a consistent flow that somehow she is somehow failing you, that she is doing all of these things wrong.and she is looking to you as a reflection of who she is..then she is going to start feeling pretty bad about herself..

Bette: I never meant to hurt her in that way.I didnt realize.

Shane: I know.but you did lose sight of her tender emotions, her soft heart.you did forget about your responsibility

Bette: she is such a gentle soul.

Shane: lookwe all have a basic inner drive to seek our own happiness.the problem is that we are usually confused as to what will bring us there..when you would make a mistake.you know. when you werent perfect , you would seek to feel betterby finding fault in others.you werent thinking about herand you werent thinking about the relationship

Bette: I couldnt think straight..when I was feeling that way

Shane: exactlywhen those neurotic cravings take over they obliterate our visionwe cant see what we actually need..what would really make you happy was not within your view.what would really make you happy would be a peaceful, easy homelife.a place where your soul could grow.

Bette: I thought I needed some release from feeling bad about myself

Shane: right, but that didnt workit didnt bring you happinessit brought you all of this heartache.the actual route towards happiness is not focusing inward .. there is one very simple rule and you seemed to follow it in the beginning.but it got buried.

Bette: yes.

Shane: If you want to make someone happypractice love and compassion; if you want to make yourself happy.practice love and compassion..—– they are one and the same.the same action will bring happiness to both of you

Bette; I want to love tina again.I want to take care of her heart again..I want to do it right .help me

Shane: I am here for you..