I drove down the street slowly, not wanting to miss the house. When I finally pulled up I was dumb struck, the house was huge, certainly bug enough for a large family to live in. The thought of Bette alone in the big brick house amidst the big city saddened me, the fact that she was alone for so long when we were supposed to have lived in this house togetherit sucked. I pulled the Jetta into the long driveway, checked my makeup in the rearview mirror and made sure my sweatshirt was zipped up, then I pushed the door open and stepped out. The rubber soles of my sneakers were making a soft patting sound as I made my way up the stone walkway. Again fear slammed me like a brick in my back and it was hard to breathe. I stopped short just in front of the steps up to the small porch and inhaled deeply with my eyes closed, my hands were shaking and I was bouncing on my toes from both excitement and trepidation. I exhaled my previous deep inhale and took the steps two at a time up to the little landing and knocked lightly. At first I didnt think that it was loud enough to be heard, but just as I was taking my hand out of my pockets to knock again the heavy black door opened. Whoever the ***** had answered definitely wasnt Bette; unless Bette was suddenly shorter with straight black hairand Puerto Ricanor SpanishI dont have the thought process to be politically correct right now. She looked me over and smiled brightly, if she didnt inhabit a house with someone who was possibly the love of my life, I would think she was pretty damn cute; but she is. I mustve looked like an idiot sitting there staring; she shifted and opened the door all the way revealing that she was just wearing a long t-shirt that dropped to about mid thigh, a high school shirt from one of the plays a drama class would doguess whos high school? Good job. The girl shifted nervously again and decided I wasnt going to talk first. Is there something I can help you with? Its kind of late I stuttered for a few seconds before finally getting out a word. Uhmm, is Bette here? She smiled like she knew something I didnt and waved me in. I walked through the threshold past her. Shes not home yet, she was at the library last time I heard. She should be home any second, but youre welcome to hang until then. I nodded and looked around the house, it was fully furnished which for a college kid is rare; but then again it was Bettes parents house so I only expected the best. The mystery girl took a seat on a stool by the bar in the kitchen and motioned to the refrigerator. Theres beer in the fridge, we have soda and water too, but you look like a party girl. I blushed slightly, how right on was she? I didnt know if it was cause I was blonde, or she had a keen sense for the type. Opening the fridge I decided on a bottle of water instead of the offered booze, moving back around to the other side of the kitchen I took a seat across from the girl wearing Bettes t-shirt. So, she said around a mouthful of, what looked like, a peanut butter and jam sandwich; how do you know Bette? Were old friends, we used to go to school together, I gestured towards her shirt. Ahh yeah, I grabbed it out of the dryer, didnt really bother to see whos it was. I nodded like I understoodI didnt really, they did wash together? Whats your name? She asked, Maybe shes talked about you and I already have some interesting stories about you The girl smirked and I wanted to shove the rest of her sandwich in her face. Really, who was she to wear MY Bettes clothes and live in her house Tina. I replied shortly and she almost spat her beer all over me. Tina? THE Tina? Well, at least I know she talks about me right? I guess. How about you? Me what? Wowshe isnt the brightest bulb is she? Youre name. Oh! Right! Sorry, she extended her hand and I gripped it, Carmen. Carmen, Carmen, Carmen.Carmen may need to watch her cute little *****. I smiled politely nodding. So Carmen, how did you and Bette meet? Well, I DJ to help pay for school and I pretty much needed a place to stay cause the dorms filled up. Bette and I have an art history class together. Right. We sat there for at least 5 minutes in an awkward silence, I felt her looking at me every once in a while and I was about to say something when I heard the door open. Turning on from my position facing the bar I finally saw her, that face I hadnt seen in so long. She mustve recognized the car in the driveway because she didnt come in casually wondering who was visiting. Her body went rigid, or was rigid, as soon as she walked in the door. Books tossed to the couch she stood there looking at me and for probably one of the only times since I knew her, I couldnt read her. She was quiet, too quite for seeing someone she hadnt seen in so long, she didnt look angry, she didnt look happy, she looked indifferent; it was like she couldnt care less if she had ever seen me again. That hurt more than if she had charged at me screaming that she hated me. She looked past me towards Carmen, who was looking between the both of us, and smiled; Hey you, arent you spinning tonight? Carmen craned her neck to look at the clock on the stove, it was almost 10. ***** girlie youre rightI gotta motor. She ran up the steps to what I guess was her bedroom. Sliding off the stool I started walking in Bettes direction. Bette Tee what are you doing here? I havent seen or spoken to you in over a year and suddenly you just pop in? IIve been having to deal with some stuff.but its okay now She squinted her eyes at me and shook her head in disbelief. What youre saying is youve been too busy for a year or so to pick up the phone for five minutes and let me know youre okay? Bette its complicated. Right Tina. Somehow its always complicated with you. Youre too scared, youre too busy, youre too ***** self righteous is what it is. Nothing is convenient until its the perfect for you. Ive thought about youI missed youthats why Im here. Im trying I really ambut shed not giving me anything. She sighs moving over to the couch and sitting down slowly, she puts her head in her hands. I move quietly and sit on the table directly in front of her, close enough to smell her perfume; the sweet wonderful fragrance I was beginning to forget. My eyes slide closed thinking of forgotten moments between us until Im brought out of my nostalgia by her voice, You dont think Ive missed you? Do you know how much I died when I didnt hear from you? How much pain I went throughdo you even care? We stared at each other. Her eyes were so full of hurt and rejection, things that I caused. I never thought how badly my lack of communication would hurt herI was stupid, and thankfully, now that I have a clear head I can realize this. I open my mouth to say something but were interrupted by Carmen. I gotta go B, are you coming tonight? I looked to Bette who nods in the affirmative. Carmen leans down and kisses Bette on the lips, my eyebrow arches of its own accord from the situation. Ill see ya later then. It was nice meeting you Tina, you should come out tonight if you arent busy. I see Bette look at me out of the corner of her eye and I shrug. It was nice meeting you too Camron. Okay so Im being bitchy. Carmen. She corrected. I nodded. Right. She waved to Bette and left; as soon as the door closed I tried to start talking again but was cut off. TinaI really dont want to get into this right now, its been a long week and I promised Carmen that I would go out to see her tonight. You can come if you wantafter that we can talk. I nodded a stuck my hands in my sweatshirt pockets. I should get back to the hotel thenshower and changeI kinda look like *****. I looked down at myself and fiddled with my zipper. Bette grabbed my hand in hers lightly rubbing her thumb over my knuckles. You look great Tee. For the first time since she walked through the door she looked happy that I was here. I murmur a thanks and stand up with Bette right behind me walking me to the door. Be back in around an hour. Okay. I say twisting the doorknob and pulling the door open a crack. You can bring your bag too. I turn around and look at her questioningly. I dont want you to have to drive back to the hoteland plus theres no point in having you stay there and waste money when I have an extra room. Its okay really I I tried to protest but she wouldnt have it. I know we have stuff to talk about, but youre still my friend Tina, thats not going to change; I still want to look out for you. At those words my chest caved in on my heart and I stood there staring and thinking. If I had believed that from the beginning, even before I left for Texas, I probably couldve avoided everything in between. If I had just come here when I got home, if I had just responded to her letter, if I had just called herif, if, if ,if, if.all running through my head as I stood silent like a moron. Tina? Are you okay? Huh? My head snapped up and I forgot where I was Yeah, yeah, Im fineIll see you in an hour or so. Maybe you should give me your number in case Im running late. Oh good thinking. She runs back to the kitchen and jots down the number and hands it to me. Our fingers brush in one of those clich little movie moments. The sensation makes me want to crush her, smash my lips to hers and take herit was something Id never been with Bette.aggressive. One of my newly developed traits that I had learned from Sadie over the separation. As I walked out of Bettes home waving goodbye I couldnt help but wonder what I had gotten myself into. If Carmen was her new girlfriendI would be living with the two of them for the next week or two, and Id have to tell Betteeverything? Could I tell her nothing a risk not sounding like an ***** for not calling her for no reason? If I do tell her the truth theres quite a chance that she could kick my ***** out and never want to hear from me again Getting onto my car I stick the key in the ignition and drive back to the hotel on autopilot, laughing to myself when I find that Im in the hotel parking lot without even remembering driving. My forehead comes in contact with the steering wheel as I sigh and slam it down. What the ***** do I really have to say to this person? Whats too much? Im so fucked either way. And what if she really isnt interested in me other than in a friends kind of way? I make my way up to my room and slide the keycard in open the door. Slamming my back against it as it closes I verbalize everything that I had been thinking to the vacant room. Oh *****.