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How am I supposed to live without you? Part 4 B The real finale
Story written on June 27, 2007 by justloveB+T.
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Before in: How am I supposed to live without you?
Just tell me what to say when I give her the sign…
I felt as if someone had stuck a pin in me and deflated me, at that instant… I stood, stock-still, as I felt how the organ, that had only moments ago jumped up with lifealtering hope, fell and shattered…
My tears had dried up, I had none left, as the trembling spread… A cold and astringent feeling took over my chest…
Ok erm…
I mentally cursed at myself for hoping the unhopable as I told her the words that were in my heart, knowing this would be the only chance…
‘I never should have let you go… I would do anything for another chance, I’m not afraid to make a fool out of myself’
I couldn’t stand to hear her response, as I felt how my heart, which I thought couldn’t happen, shattered into more pieces… I never should have let her go… Those words had broke something free in my chest, and I felt how the tears I thought I didnt have anymore feel from my eyes, from my heart and from my soul…
Ok?
I asked, as she hadn’t said anything for a short period of time… I had to end this call… I had to end this…
Sleep well…
My jaws were clenched together in the ultimate restraint not to scream… To scream how much I loved her, how I would infinitely love her…
Thank you T…
We listened to the clicking sound of her hanging up the phone, before I took mine away from my ear… I felt dazzled, stunned, numb… And, quickly removing the tears that kept on flowing, I turned around to see Kate’s tense back…
I think it’s time for me to go home…
So do I, Tina… So do I…
~~~~~~~
How am I supposed to live without you, part 4 B The real finale
Setting one foot in front of the other, as if it was the most difficult task someone had asked me to perform, I heard the defeated sound of my own footsteps as I made my way through the darkened streets. My heart, that seemed to have crumbled in thousands of pieces, evoked a jittery sensation in all my veins… The tips of my fingers felt like they had been burned, and yet as if they had just let slip something major… A waving constriction washed over my body, time and time again, as I just kept on walking, my breathing unstable due to the tears that were now unstoppable…
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Wow, It was intense and beautifully written. U had my heart pounding at times with anticipation. It would have been amazing to see ur version of the finale.
All I can say is WOW!! I could so feel Tina’s pain. I had tears in my eyes. Very well written. If only season 4 could have ended like this. Bravo!!
okay, i’m gonna call IC now. she has to know about this. and then she has to do S4 all over again. because this is how it is supposed to be…JLBT, this was just amazing. one of the best things i have ever read. thank you so much. you truly are a gifted writer…oh, and welcome back!!!
So good, I went and started over and reread just to get completely caught up in the moment! Thanks for writing, awesome as always!!
Holey Moley that was long! And no…it didn’t go quickly…because I found myself wanting to read every friggin word…more than once! There were intense and meaningful expressions of Tina’s feelings, thoughts, and yearnings on every page and all over each page…in some ways, it really spanned the four seasons of Tina’s journey in her heart’s struggle to find the love that had been lost, find Bette and reclaim the power of what was meant to be… and it brought it all down to this one scene, one harrowing emotional ride for Tina and a darn good read for me if I ever read one. Cheers Miss Gumby!
Wow that was long but loving it. They are awesome and so happy that B&T are together at the end and hope this will happen on the show. Thanks my friend and can’t wait to see your new story!
OMG!!!! 18 pages and all of them so touching!!That last bit completely got me… “Always… Always…” JLBT, this short story has been so great… I felt like a voyeur, watching the whole scene… Girl, u just made me cry for like 10 times with this chapter only… Please keep the good work!!
absolutely loved the finale…i knew you won’t separate our girls…thank you
Dear. It was so sweet to read…:)
At first you had me scared wittless but in my mind I knew because of your name that you love Bette and Tina. I was placing my heart in your hands and you came through in flying colors. Thank you for the post and for allowing my heart to sing with joy and love.
I am rarely speechless but, at this moment I can not find enough words to say Thank you for such a wonderful ending to this story. It was so packed with emotion and I felt every word andevery anguished emotion Tina felt. I am so wrung out now, I must lie down for a bit and get up and read it again. Thank you for all the love you showed between them or let them express it in just the right way.
Wow – what a chapter and 18 pages too – wonderfull…..absolutely wonderfull. So beautiful and with such emotion. Very nice and a beautiful end to our B & T. Love it and do post again
OMG THIS IS AMAZING. I’ve been on a rollercoaster of emotions the whole time I was reading this series. You’re a really talented writer! Even with English not being your language, this is genius. Thanks so much for sharing! =)
It was an amazing feeling to be able to read this. I felt as if I was Tina. A few tears caught in my throat as I read. WOW and thank you.
“Hope you’ll enjoy..” It was marvelous!
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee you posted! great!
Oh my dear god, this is long O.o LOL I never get this formatting thing, ive been working for at least an hour to get all the lines to align on the left and all the letters to be kind of the same size, and now 18 pgs… O.o LOL! Hope you’ll enjoy nonetheless ;)
My dear friend…WOW! Ok. so first you do get the prize for the longest post I think, but each page had so much emotion and detail that 18 pages seemed like 1. I’ll admit in the middle my mind stopped when Bette said ‘she stood by her original decision’ and you were gonna get a response (that I still owe ya) on e-mail! LOL! I know this is probably bittersweet, ending a story always comes with a sense of excitement but sadness when you lay it down. You did an excellent job and I thank you for that! *HUGS* and I’ll write ya back some time today I hope!
18 lovely pages my dear friend! i am glad so so glad that you posted it and as always is a pleasure read your story! you did it great!!!!! EINEUFA!!!!!!!
Okay, I’ve just got to say it……..RE-WRITE for S4 finale!!! Can you all see it. works for me. GEEZ where were all you guys when they were choosing writers for this show??? Great job, terrific end to a fabulous story….
Hell fire – 18 pages, it didn’t seem as long yesterday when I read it!! LOL, You did great mate! Great chapter x
whoah that was long but finally they’re back 2gether…thank you.
Just amazing!!!! I just read the whole 18 pages!!! I’M in Awe…such strong feelings and emotions..I got carried away and came back at the end …. I bow to your superior writing!!!!Thxs for sharing your talent with us!!!
Glad to see this one finish up. I think I read the other parts after you originally posted them but totally fell in love with them. Glad that B/T found their way back to one another. Hope to see more fic from you soon.
Tht was the fastest 18 pages I’ve ever read. Fantastic job of getting these to back together.
wow a great ending !!! you dide a amazing job !! hope you start a new story about B&T very soon !
Excellent writing. Obviously this is how S4 should’ve ended. The 18 pages read very quickly.
Well done! This was a great story. I hope you find the time and inspiration to write something else in the near future.
My dear friend, let me tell you that there’s only one thing biggest than your SO obvious talent and that’s your incurable – but charming – modesty ! And don’t dare to say I’m biased : you just have to read and read again all the past and present comments on all your irresistible stories. For me, you’re more than ever the best here and, god, how I missed your so engaging talent all these weeks ! Put the blame on my hopeless shyness for not have tried to put the pression on you (because, yes, delighted readers are soooo terribly selfish, they like to forget their favourite authors have a life !! ^_^), but nevertheless I was waiting, day after day, for an update of yours. I awfully missed you, dear M… *** Now, about this SO awaited chapter, what could I say ? You know me, I think, for you always seem to guess how to touch my heart and soul with the force of the way you never stop to depict feelings and emotions… There’s two persons in me each time I read one of the ff stories I love particularly (so all of yours too !) : the huge romantic Tibetter, who never stop to hope and love nothing more than read how things have to be between our wonderful two, and myself. Me and my memories, me and my eternal emotional torment, me and my opened scars, me and my true love – the bittersweet joy of my life… You know that, for I shared my story with you. So, you fully understand how deeply your stories moved me on a very personal way, besides the joy of reading about this fictional couple I always looked, like Shane in S1, like a living symbol of Hope… *** “Together means together… Together means to get her… God! To Get Her! To get her!” : you got me, there… Wonderful… / “But, without being able to face her as I spoke to her, the words seemed even more important than they otherwise would be… I couldn’t rely on the ripple of connection that had always stayed, the ripple that told her the other half of my sentences…” : how true… /”Because now that I had decided to tell her, there was no way back… ” : I also did it and I was so petrified because of the definitive nature of this incredibly hard decision of mine… /”So many things we didn’t see as choices indeed were… And even chosing NOT to choose was making a choice, wasn’t it?” : you’re a true philosopher, my friend, and I’m serious. / “The word however, that contains that meaning, will probably differ for everyone, and some of us will never find it…” : amazing, but my one one as the same amount of letters than “Bette”… / “I have beaten myself up so hard over it that I wouldn’t allow myself to tell you how I really feel… But then I realized how bad that was… You deserve the truth, Bette… And the truth is that I love you… I love you from the bottom of my heart and my soul, and with everything I have inside me.” : my own one special one took the confession on such a lovely way, even if friendship is the only thing that will ever be possible to share with her. But, in a way, isn’t a lifetime beautiful and tender friendship a kind of love story ? /”I couldn’t give up, is was as if the words had began to flow and wouldn’t stop anymore… ” : I know the feeling – both frightening and so releasing… / “Because I want you to be happy… And no matter how much I want to be the cause of that happiness… ” : that’s true love indeed and that’s also the way I feel, above the inevitable pain and, yes, jealousy (it’s human, after all…), thanking the so lucky one for bringing her happiness and balance… /”I was able to love with this intensity, and no matter how much it hurt, I just couldn’t regret telling her…” : what you wrote here is so essential. For years I considered this one-way, heartbreaking love as a curse and just a source of suffering… But then, I slowly realized that no love is useless and spending a lifetime without knowing this so powerful feeling would be a lost life, as simply as that. One has to say, like your Tina, “I was able to love (…) no matter how much it hurt”… /”The rain outside produced a harmonic sound, that, together with the beat of my heart, merged into a perfect melody. ” : as a huge lover of 19’s century’s Romantism, I adore the way you depict the sweet influence of Nature on our emotions… Rain, like tears, are beautiful – poetry of melancholy… *** You know, you made me cry with this chapter… I mean it. What you wrote always touches me deeply and you know it. It’s almost as if you were reading my heart and thoughts with your amazing emotional depictions… Yes, I cried, and I thank you for that : to be able to move readers this way with a true writing’s talent is a gift, a priceless gift. From the deepest of my heart, I thank you for everything you did and will do. Please, never stop to write, beautiful soul ! – Very fondly – A.
WOW!!!! I had to read it twice. That was so heart felt and so loving. The way you write is so true. I feel like you could see and feel what Tina had been going through the past few years. Thank you so much. You have let our girls come together as they should.
Sweet ending………thank you!
Ok 18 pages!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i am speech less 18 pages 18 pages !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that was amazing swwet and told with honest from both prespectives..a new story great please update BOF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just wanted to say wow this chapter was filled with so much emotion it was like standing there as it all played out your an exellent writer and i hope you decide to write again thank you for sharing this with me i enjoyed it thanks again
I wish I had time to leave a longer comment, but THANKS for posting and finishing the story! I have been wondering about it! it was a great story! thanks!
OMG that was the longest torture I think I’ve ever gone through, and so worth every page of it. Please can the end of S4 be a dream, and Ic is going to use your version.I was dying feeling so much of Tina pain. Then, bam, Bette’s there, love what her original plan was, so no matter what really happend at the end of S4 I’m keeping your version.
WHOA… guys, hold on!! A “new” story?… Well, my dearest J, you’re of course very welcome to write a “new” story if you feel like it, cause I just ADOOOOORE your writing… But don’t you DARE forgetting about BOF!!!… and your other babies as a matter of fact! LOL… Dear fellows fanfic readers, this amazing lady has a few other masterpieces in store!… Wonderful tales that need to be taken to their destiny… Okay, about this story J, well… I truly have no words… That was just f**** brillant! It took me ages to read this update cause as you know, when it comes to your writing, I have to read every single sentence twice in order to get each and every emotion that is there… But I so enjoy it! I could read hundreds of pages of this… Well i guess I probably have between all your different fics.. LOL! But damn, what a rollercoaster this one!!! Up and down, up and down, and then this finale… Doowwwnnnnnn…. Poor Tina, I could feel her pain… But then BAM! The final big up and the long-awaited reunion – wonderfully told reunion… What more can I say?… JLBT never disappoints, but THAT was a real masterpiece! Thanks a lot!
Aww beautiful chapter :) Dont worry bout the length it was nice!! I kinda feel a lil sorry for Jodi lol but Im happy Tina & Bette are back… So glad ya posted hun :)
What a beautiful story…your words are just so enthralling…so captivating. You write Bette and Tina so well. Would love to see this played out in S5. Can’t wait for your next undertaking!
You captured the emotions of Bette and Tina perfectly. The description was outstanding. I absolutely loved it. And I cried. Ah well. It was amazing. MS198.XOXOX