Chapter 21 – Acceptance

Bette eased into the big overstuffed leather chair which puts her across from Rachael who was sitting in a matching chair.
Rachael: How are we today, Bette?
Bette: Im doing well. I havent had any anxiety episodes in weeks. Things seem to be going pretty well. You know things seem to be evening out. I do have a few issues that I plan on dealing with this week.
And with that Bette starts by talking about how she may have to put off seeing Shane for awhile. It makes Bette feel guilty about making Shane keeping her secret.
Rachael: Why the secret in the first place Bette?
Bette: Well actually both Kit and Shane have been pushing me to meet with the gang. I just dont think I can.
R: Why not?
B: Well, Im not the same person anymore. I dont want to fall into playing a role of some person Im not anymore.
R: Why would that happen? Have you reverted back to your old self when you have spent time with Shane or Kit?
B: Well, No theyre different.
R: And why do you think that is? They knew you before.
B: Well, yes but well they see me for who I am now and they just accept me.
R: When youre with them, do they act differently around you then before?
B: Different how, I dont know what you mean?
R: OK, let look at your interaction, your discussions. Have you had different types of discussions?
B: Actually, I can never remember a time when I could talk so freely with Kit. I can really talk to her now. She listens without judging me, just listens to all my *****. And Shane, well we were close before but now its like shes my other sister. We talk freely about almost any subject. Its all good between us.
R: Bette, why do you think your interaction between these two women and yourself has changed for the better?
B: They love me.
R: Do you think that you have changed?
B: Well, yes I hope. What you are getting at?
R: Well, maybe you should consider that the Bette they see now, the one you present to them, appears different then the old Bette. The you who is more about expressing your emotions instead of hiding them from the world, this Bette you have shown both Shane and Kit. Seeing this difference in you allows both Kit and Shane to make the choice to interact with you, this new Bette, in a different manner.
B: O”K, I think Im following you.
R: If you are with me on this, would you not agree than that this better relationship is a result of you changing the only thing you can control, Yourself?

Pondering this final conclusion, Bette starts to nod her head, thinking about this revelation the complexity of something so simple but yet so effective.
B: Well maybe, but I still think they love me.
R: I can believe that but can you see how the open you makes both Kit and Shane more comfortable, not as hesitant to share maybe issues with you that the perfect, on guard Bette may have made them more hesitate and ill at ease to even begin these conversations?
B: OK, I can see that.
R: Well, what makes you thing that the rest of the gang will be any less affected when presented with the new centered and open Bette?
B: Well, I dont know, I guess they will see the new me also. But Im just not ready yet.
R: Are we really talking about the gang here or are we talking about Tina?
B: I dont know. Theyre all related. I cant see the gang and not have it at least get back to Tina.
R: Why is that bad?
B: Im just not ready to deal with everything?
R: When we are talking about everything are we talking about the end of your relationship.
B: That and all the pain, disappointment, hurt and mindless thoughtlessness that I inflict on the people I love.
R: Bette, you realize that by changing the person the you you present doesnt change them but they themselves see something different and thus they react differently because of their own reactions not anything you controlled, right?
B: Yes I get it.
R: Then, when it comes to the pain and the hurt that you feel you have inflicted on anyone in the past, if you approach these people or one person, honestly, openly and try to share and communicate what happened in the past what do you think will happen?
B: I dont know, they will talk with me?
R: Now Bette, I know this is hard but we are almost done so hang in there with me. What kind of conversation will you have? Use your recent experience with Kit and Shane, do you think you might enter into a meaningful conversation?
B: Maybe.
R: Then stay with me, could this meaningful conversation have results which allow that person to heal and maybe allow yourself to heal as well?
B: God I dont know.
R: This is a lot to think about. But give it some thought over the next week and we can come back to this. Dont make any rash decision with Shane that you will regret. Deal?
B: Deal