Shane is awakened by a knock on the door. She sits up her heart is racing shes sweaty and breathless. She realizes it was all a cruel dream and feels lost, empty, and alone. She is in a state of complete arousal and finds it difficult to move. The knocks begin again. She somehow manages to stand in her stimulated state and answers the door. This better be important As she opens the door and her eyes meet the visitor before her Bette responds, I think its very important. Shane instantly becomes flushed and turns a crimson red as if Bette could see the images shed had in her dream.

Arent you going to ask me in or do I have to stand out here all night? Bette asked teasingly. C..come in.., Shane stammered.



Bette looked at her friend and realized how much she missed her. She wanted to banish all the weirdness away and just sit and talk to her like she always had, but there was no way that could happen. Bette didnt know what to say or do to remedy the situation. She was there and didnt have any idea what words she could possibly use to snap Shane out of it. The silence was deafening and Shane had avoided eye contact since she let Bette in. God, this is so strange”I dont know what to say to her at all. Bette finally spoke.

Bette: Shane Im getting worried about you. Alice informed me that youve been missing work and sleeping around a lot. I mean, more than usual. And youre drinking a lot too. Look I never wanted to hurt you but I was in an impossible position. What you want from me I cant give you and Im sorry if that hurts you Shane because what we have I think its great and I miss you. But only you know if its enough.

Shane: I put you in an impossible position. Believe me, Im sorry. Im sorry I told you how I felt. I just keep ***** up, reaching for things that I shouldnt have, the absolutely unobtainable things, and it leaves me”empty.

Bette: Shane you are the most thoughtful person I know. You are kind and understanding. Shane honestly I love you for that. Of everyone out of group, though you were the most disappointed; you were the one who was there after Tina and I broke up. I know you werent there to hook up with me either. Youre the one who encouraged me to fight for Tina and for my marriage”for that, Ill love you always. But I guess thats why I was shocked to find out you had any romantic interest in me at all. It didnt add up.

Shane: I know. I cant explain it. I really wanted you to be happy and of course I thought Tina would make you happy. She had in the past so I thought if you guys got back together youd be happy again. Bette you were just so devastated. I told Tina I saw you a few times crying holding her picture. You looked so fragile, so hurt. I know what you did was ***** Bette but no one should endure that kind of heartbreak especially over a mistake. It wasnt like you to do something so careless and dishonest. I thought Tina would see it was a cry for help but instead she left you. Bette thats when I realized that maybe I could, never mind.

Bette: No Shane. Dont shut down on me now. Look Tina had to do what was right for her and for the record, if she had cheated on me I would have left her too. Whats worse is Im not sure if I would have given her a second chance. It hurts to say it, but its true. I thank God that Tina left me and that it crushed me because now I know how important she is to me and I will never forget. Shane you did make a difference, you were there for me and I needed that. I needed you and the truth is I still do. Right now, at this moment are you still in love with me?

Bette was taking a huge gamble she wanted Shane to realize that her feelings may just be misguided and that all in all she just really wanted Bette to be her friend again.

Shane: Dont ask me that. Its an unfair question. I plead the fifth. Really my feelings dont matter anyway. Lets just drop it and pretend none of this ever happened, ok?

Bette: Shane how could you say that? Your feelings mean more to me than you will ever know. I cant pretend it didnt happen. I dont want to pretend it didnt happen. You mean so much to me and you always will. You are so caring, attentive, kind, understanding, and you posses a heart of gold. You know how hard it is to find someone with all these characteristics and for them to be as hot as you are? You are fabulous Shane dont sell yourself short.

Shane: Fabulous uh? Fabulous and lonely”thats me.

Shane sat there quietly staring at the floor. She felt absolutely ALONE and for the first time she was willing to admit it to herself and to any one who cared enough to take notice.

Bette approached Shane who still hadnt looked at her since shed entered the apartment. She grabbed Shanes hand and raised her chin with her left hand and looked at her face to face. You are amazing Shane and you have to know that about yourself. If you really want love, love yourself first and give your heart to someone who knows how to appreciate such a gift. Cherie was a bad choice, and I; I was a worse choice because I cant accept your gift as much as I appreciate the offer. I know I cannot give you my heart in return. Its not mine anymore to give to you. Tina has it and she always has, she always will. Shane, dont be discouraged there is a love out there for you that is just as strong, just as meaningful, but in the mean time love yourself enough to protect this gift so its not too banged up by the wrong people. Shane I love you and I miss you; tell me what we can do to get through this please.

Bette embraced her friend as Shane tightened her embrace. Feeling Bette this close to her she felt Bettes love and affection for her, but nothing more. Shane still desperately wanted more from Bette. She cried knowing this was all she would ever have and cursing herself that it wasnt enough. Bette felt Shane tears fall on her neck and she began to cry too. Suddenly Shane decided being in such close proximity with Bette was way too much. She quickly broke the embrace and walked over to the window.

Shane: You know you are such a beautiful and some times vulnerable person. In a lot of ways you remind me of a butterfly. Something beautiful that landed in my lonely landscape. Ive become so accustomed to having you in my life. The thing is Id like to draw you nearer but I know any sudden movement”if I try to get too close you will fly away. Youll take your beauty and Id just be left with memories of what once was so beautiful and hating myself for not being satisfied with the love and friendship you freely give. Im so greedy to know you in other ways, while this way, what we share this moment, is so right. Its funny because your beauty and vulnerability is what inspired me to want more and its your beauty and vulnerability that demand me to be content with what I have. I dont want to ***** up our friendship or your relationship with Tina. God, she probably hates me, right?

Bette: Wow what you just said was so beautiful Shane. I dont think anyone has ever said anything so sweet to me. Tina doesnt hate you. As a matter of fact, she told me to come here to talk to you.

Shane: Thats unbelievable. I mean if I were her, Id hate me. You know Porter you didnt do half bad hooking up with her. Shane says with a chuckle.

Bette: I know. Im so fortunate and blessed to have her in my life. Thats why I cant do anything foolish to ruin it.

Shane: You wont.

Bette: I dont think I will either, but Shane you say that like its an absolute fact. The last time I thought I was immune to that kind of behavior I ended up messing up and I dont want to do that ever again but now I know Im capable of ***** up, its scary.

Shane: Bette thats exactly why you wont ***** up again. A little fear in knowing that youve done it once will keep you honest. I think your relationship is more stable now than it was before partially due to the fact that you messed up.

Bette: I think you might be right about that. Shane are you okay, I mean are we okay? I dont want to lose you. I need you”we need you to be a part of our family. I miss our talks or us not talking”I miss you just being there. I dont want to discount or diminish your feelings so I need to hear you say things are okay.

Shane sighed and resigned herself to the fact that Bette and Tina are back together and they are truly happy”with that she realized it was enough to make her happy. She was lonely and fabulous, but happy that her friends marriage is still in tact. She knew she considered herself to still be in love with Bette and no conversation would change that. This particular conversation helped her to realize that she did in fact miss her friends and that friendship was better than no-ship. She finally spoke.

Shane: We are good. You know Bette I hope that person exist for me because what you and Tina have I have to admit its beautiful and Id love to have a love like that in my life too.

Bette: You will Shane. Your hearts too pure not to share it with someone who truly deserves it and knows how to appreciate it.

Bette walked over to Shane and held her in her arms. Shane was finding it difficult to be so close to Bette and felt her knees weaken. This is going to be difficult. I crave this woman who is my married friend, shes married to my other friend. How on earth am I suppose to behave? She feels so good in my arms and she smells inhaling Bettes hair, ahh heavenly. God, I hope I can get over her and soon. Shane thought to herself.



TBC