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    Story written on June 4, 2008 by New Dawn Fades.
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    Number of Comments: 10
    Words: 2189
    Story Shortlink: https://lf.beardesk.com/?p=69823
    Author Notes:

    Under light that I have never seen,up to the light,reach up to the blue.

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    I have separation anxiety. I cannot use to my brain towards its peak brilliance. I am a number nearing close to zero, maybe even a negative number. I am no longer the one who loved and wanted love in return. I have bathed in the light emerging from it….blinding. The sharpest edges, the highest peaks, the darkest waters. And I do this for her you know. But it’s a her I no longer love.

     

    I think of her often enough. I remember those few selected frames of time. A counter clock guiding me to the internal. I tell myself full and complete lies. And I do this because I can. Because its easy to be. I think of laws. Laws of mankind and nature. And I think of who I use to be. The garden of earth’s delights. Her smile cracks the image, shattered. I blink it away and count to ten….nine…eight….seven…six….five….four….three….two..one.

     

    Felling is gone. He gurgles blood. I crack my knuckles into place and I wonder is this what God planned for me? Did God envision a world that needed such a thing as me, for it’s impossible to be this…right? I get trapped in my head during these things. Pavel says it again and again and I cant help but think he’s on to something. “Shane,” he says. “You are much like doomed novelists of my grand papa’s time. You think yourself into your own oblivion.”

     

     

    Its got a nice ring to it does it not: Oblivion…..gotta love it.

     

     

     

    The cigarettes are cowboy killers. Neat in their red box. The drink is Johnny Walker Black. The air is ripe for an emergency. I’ve blinked her smile away because I’ve convinced myself she doesn’t matter anymore. The man his eyes have looked past me. He doesn’t see my blood speckled face anymore and why should he, he’s dead.

     

     

     

     

     One

      

      

      

    Some time after Las Vegas we land in St Petersburg. It’s green and warm but not hot. The lines on the roads are jagged and make little sense to me. Every where I turn it seems letters where turned around and facing the wrong direction. I couldn’t remember what they had done to her.

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    Comments

    2. Glad you’re back, have read everything you’ve ever written and luved every bit of it. No one writes like u my friend, no one!!! Welcome back to the fold.

    3. So happy to see that you are back. I look forward to reading the next chapter. One question: You started a sequel to Pyromance, but it is no longer available here; any chance that you will repost it?

    4. with you and with ashtuck back writing, the world feels right again. isn’t that ironic, given the ocasionally dystopic nature of your, her and my own writings (given that i’m the one making some random judgement about the world being right again). huh. well, i’m thrilled. beyond thrilled. i’m going to re-read this later newdawn, but just so you know, i nominated you for the no-longer existent awards as one of my top choices for one who shoulda snagged one. happy to see you back:)

    5. It’s so exciting to see something new from you, and it was fantastic as always. You’re one of my favorite writers and one of the only reasons I come in daily, hoping to catch an update. Thanx for posting NDF….can’t wait to see where you take us next.

    6. Wow, great to see you’re writing again, not only because your writing style is ONE of a kind, but also because of the musical references :P (“How the Gods Kill” very appropriate, Danzig kicks ass!). That’s awesome. But regarding your author’s note (“I was convinced that um…well that you all would really dislike that one. It made this choice to finish this one really easy for me”): uh-oh. . . should we be worried?

    7. Yeeeee!!! Ur back!!! God, we missed ya… well I know at least I did, lol!! Whelp, I’m lovin’ diz as usual and I’m hopin you finna grace us wit anotha post. Like alwayz from me, Baby-gurl, LYLAS :p Stank, da’ one and only, chicka :D Holla at me if ya need anything, babez ;-)

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