The gals stood in line at the security checkpoint, patiently waiting to have their hand luggage scanned so that they could enter the terminal. “I hope you left your ummm accessories at home this time Dana” Alice asked out of the blue, remembering what happened last time they flew. “I only brought the ‘big kahuna’, but I shouldn’t have any problems with that” replied Dana. “Ohhh well that’s no fun” whined Alice, “Yeah it is” Dana responded, giggling slightly as she turned the tables on her girlfriend, “How?” asked Alice. Dana’s luggage went through the x-ray scanner with no problems, the security officer handing it back to her “That’s fine ma’am, thankyou”. Dana thanked the officer and sidled up to Alice, whispering in her ear “Cos I put it in YOUR hand luggage Al”. Dana walked away quickly before Al could grab her. “You did what?”.

“Place your bag on the belt ma’am” said the officer at the start of the x-ray machine. “Umm ya know what, I …” Alice stalled. The officer gave her an impatient look, insisting she do as asked. “Okay, alright fine, here” Alice conceded as she dumped her bag on the conveyor belt. She walked to the end where her bag would eventually exit, only the belt stopped. Three officers were huddled around the x-ray scanner and pointing at the screen. Alice was beginning to wonder if Dana was serious about what she’d put in her bag. She bit her lip nervously as the officer stepped toward her, the belt moving again as her bag came out. The officer picked up the bag “please step over here ma’am” he asked as they walked over to a table at the side. “*****!” Alice muttered under her breath, throwing a deadly glare at Dana who couldn’t help but smirk.

“Ma’am, is this your bag?” the officer questioned. “I can explain …” Alice began. “Is this your bag, yes or no?” the officer asked again. Alice sighed “yes it is, but you see, my girlfriend and I just … we’re going on vacation and we just wanted to, ya know, have a little fun”. The officer looked shocked, “I don’t see how you could have ‘fun’ with this ma’am, you could cause serious damage, you could put someone’s eye out” he said. Alice looked a little bemused “Ummm … well I guess if you weren’t careful it could, but …”. The officer interrupted “I’m sorry ma’am, I’m going to have to confiscate it.”

The officer started to unzip the bag. “What?” Alice exclaimed “That cost us a lot of money. I had to order it online and well, you know, it’s part of a set”. The officer was unwavering, “Ma’am, you’ll just have to deal with it. You CAN buy another one or for this vacation you’ll just have to try another method like, I dunno, use your teeth.” Alice was baffled by the suggestion, pondering how on earth that could be a better alternative. “I’m sorry, do what?” Alice asked.

Reaching into the bag, the officer pulled out a small metal nail file. Alice looked at it gobsmacked, giving a nervous laugh of relief. “Ahah ohhhh … oh yeah sure, sorry, I totally understand, take it, by all means. I can yeah, just buy another one. Okay, thanks officer.” “Be more careful next time ma’am”, Alice saluted “copy that!” making a hasty retreat to her friends who were laughing hysterically at the exchange they witnessed. Shane was the first to speak through her laughter “What happened Al?”, “Oh not much, I just lost my nail file, and almost lost my dignity” she responded. “You can’t lose what you never had Alice” Bette pointed out. Alice just smiled a sugary sweet smile as she muttered under her breath, walking quickly through the terminal as far away from that incident as possible.

She gave Dana a pat on the butt for her troubles, but couldn’t resist Dana’s glowing smile. “Al, I didn’t put that in there ya know” Dana reasoned. “I know hun, it was mine, ya just had me worried with that ‘big kahuna’ comment” Alice chuckled, clutching Dana’s hand, raising it to her mouth and giving it a soft reassuring kiss. “Well after all these years, I’ve finally got one back on you” Dana proudly stated. “Don’t get too confident there Fairbanks, you have a long ways to go to catching me”. “I believe I’ve already caught you” Dana whispered, planting a mouth-watering kiss just below Alice’s ear.


**********


Shuffling up the aisle of the plane, the ladies find their seats. Shane was first to claim the window seat, she threw herself into the seat and sprawled out, fastening her seat belt and trying to get comfortable. Alice helped Dana put her hand luggage in the overhead compartment.

“Now Dana, please remember to be careful when opening the overhead compartment as the contents may shift during flight” Alice stated in her best air hostess voice. Dana giggled “ohhh these are for luggage? I always thought they were the sleep pods”. Alice shook her head “only on international flights my dear”. “Ohh alrighty” Dana responded before looking at her ticket and seeing that she had the aisle seat.

She felt her face draw into a pout, “Awww the aisle … Shane … switch with me”. Shane shook her head, her hand against the window ledge, “No can do Dane, I need the window” she responded. “For what? Dana asked, in her most condescending without meaning it voice, You can’t open it and feel the breeze you know.” “I know that …” Shane replied, “I just need to feel like I’m NOT a bird in a shoebox”. Dana was a little puzzled by Shane’s answer, “Oooookay then” she whispered circling her fingertip at the side of her temple making the “loopy” gesture to Alice who was giggling at the exchange between her two best friends. “Alright honey I know you’re crazy about me, now just park your keyster Deester”. Dana smiled and sat down next to Alice, fastening her seatbelt and squeezing Alice’s hand.

Bette and Tina took their seats across the aisle from the others. There was an elderly lady in the window seat, she smiled at them and went back to reading her novel. Tina took deep breaths as she fastened her seatbelt and sat up straight, staring at the seat back in front of her. Bette knew of Tina’s slight fear of flying and did her best to calm Tina. She put her hand on Tina’s, which was gripping the end of the arm rest. Tina slightly turned her head to look at Bette, exchanging a nervous smile.

“It’s going to be fine, won’t be long till we’re up in the air. I’m right here for you” Bette soothingly spoke. Tina mouthed a “thankyou” between deep breaths as she resumed her stare at the seat back. Tina was fine once in the air, it was just the sudden rush of the take-off and bump of landings that made her nervous.

The flight attendants began their safety demonstration as the aircraft taxied out onto the runway. Shane, Alice and Dana were all trying to stifle their giggles as they mimicked the gestures of the flight attendant indicating where the emergency exits were and how to fit the oxygen mask. When it came to the part about “in the event of an emergency landing” the three stooges said softly in unison “put your head between your knees …” as they leant down and did as instructed. They continued “… and kiss your ***** goodbye!” kissing their palms and blowing a kiss at Bette and Tina. The stooges burst out laughing, Bette only smirked in response, she knew of Tina’s internal struggles right now as the plane prepared to take off.

The roar of the engines signalled that they were about to start speeding up. Tina gripped the armrest harder, Bette in turn holding Tina’s hand more firmly, rubbing her thumb across Tina’s knuckles to attempt soothing her. Across the aisle, the stooges were air-pedalling as if helping to speed up the plane. As the front wheel left the tarmac the stooges started to flap their arms, quacking excitedly. Tina turned to see the spectacle, she couldn’t help but laugh at them.

The plane finally in the air, the three ducks were clapping and congratulating each other, giving high-wing-fives. “We did it guys!” Alice exclaimed. “We rock!” Shane chimed in. “Ducking awesome!” Dana joked. “Oh honey you quack me up!” Alice retorted, moving in and rubbing her beak (nose) against Dana’s as they exchanged little soft “quack” sounds between kisses. “So ducking cute” Shane sighed before settling in for a nap since she was out all night on the prowl.


**********

~tbc~