Bette, Tina and Denise chatted, ate breakfast and cleaned up the kitchen. It was barely 7:30am, and while Bette was used to waking up early in the morning, she was on vacation and wanted nothing better than to crawl back into bed and sleep. Deciding against going back to bed, Bette decided to wander outside to catch a breath of fresh morning air. She wandered out on to the back porch, taking in the scenery of the farm in the early morning light when out of no where Jessi and Danny came running at full force to greet her. Jumping, barking and playing around the knocked Bette right off the porch and on her *****! They were pawing and licking Bette as she rolled around trying to get away from them while yelling for Tina.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! Owwww! Hey knock that off! TTTTTT..heyT!
JESSI! DANNY! Come here!
Awww, man! What the!? Damn look at my clothesgrrrrrrI just changed!

Bette got up and started dusting the dirt and grass from her clothes, then turned to look at Tina who was beet red, laughing her ***** off at Bette. Bette face quickly conveyed her disgust at the fact that the love of her life was standing there laughing at her.

Its not funny T. Those punks just came out of now where and attacked me. I didnt do anything to them!
Awww, come here baby. Its okay, they like you and they just wanted to say hi and play around with you for a bit.
You call that playing around?! It seemed more like assault to me!
Come on Bette, you should be happy that theyve taken such a liking to you. They really are great dogs, youll seeyou three will be best buds by the end of the week. Now come on, since youre already out here and dirty, you might as well help me with some of the chores.
Chores? Cant I change first?
Yes chores Bette. Just be thankful that we slept in this morning, they should have been done earlier. And whats the point of you changing, youre on a farmhow clean do you think youre going to stay?
Very clean if I have my way, thank you very much. And what the heck do you mean we slept in? We got up at 6:30?!
Never mind, come on. Follow me, things arent gonnna get done by themselves. Oh, and Bette?
Yeah?
Thanks for helping out and getting the eggs earlier

Tina smirked a little, trying not to laugh at her last statement and leaned in to give Bette a quick kiss before reaching for her hand and leading her away. After such a wonderful morning, Bette wanting nothing more than to get a bit more loving than just a quick kiss, but she obligingly followed Tinas lead. As they walked Bette took note of all the things that could be found on a farm, she had only seen farms on TV. before and she wasnt sure how much of what was shown could actually be found on a farm. She saw a tractor, horse stable, the infamous chicken coop, a pigpen (which she thought was disgusting), and many more things, plants and animals that just amazed her. Bette was busy looking around and taking in everything, and before she knew it she and Bette were in the barn.

Okay Bette, mom said she needed milk so she asked that we get some.
Okay wheres the car? Ill drive us to the market and you can be the co-pilot and tell me where to go.
Huh? Market? Oh no babe, were gonna go and get it from Bessie.
Bessie?
Yeah, come here. Here she is.Good morning Bessie.
What the?!
Yeah, Im gonna show you how, and youre gonna milk her.

Bettes jaw practically hit the floor at Tinas suggestion and her eyes about popped out of her head. She stood there staring at Tina standing next to Bessie holding a bucket and began shaking her head and slowly backing away. Not turning around to see where she was going, she bumped into something short and furry that made a tremendously loud and obnoxious noise. Bette practically jumped out of her skin, panicked and dove for cover in a heap of hay. Trying to hide from whatever it was that she bumped into and that had made that noise, Bette heard Tina laughing hysterically. Bette did her best to try and calm down but now heard Lance and Denises laughter along with Tinas. Letting out a huge sigh of disgust at being laughed at yet again, Bette slowly pushed herself up from the ground and turned to face Tina and her parents. As she got up she saw a goat standing there a few feet away from her happily chomping away on some of the hay that Bette had used for cover.

Tina stood there laughing, grabbing her stomach and pointing her finger at Bette. She knew that it was mean but the spectacle of Bette jumping into a pile of hay was already too much for her to handle, but now that Bette began to get up, Tina could not find the strength to control herself. Standing there in front of her was Bette covered head to toe with pieces of hay and dirt with the cutest defeated, puppy dog look imaginable. Tina began to walk over to Bette to see if she was okay, but stopped short and began to laugh uncontrollably again when she saw all of the hay that stuck out from Bette thick, wavy hair. Holy *****, she looks like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz thought Tina as she tried to stifle her laughter. Finally managing to piece together a coherent sentence Tina walked over to Bette and began to talk and help clean Bette up between giggles,

Babe, are you okay?
Do I look okay too you Tina?! What the ***** was that thing that yelled at me?
Oh thats BillyBilly the goat, get it?
Ha ha, funny. Im laughing uncontrollably now, like you were at me. No, no need to help me, I can dust myself off.
Im sorry baby, but that was just too damn funny to see. No need for you to get cranky, here let me help. You should have seen it, you practically did a swan dive into that heap of hayHow could I not laugh?
Yeah and you just had to call your parents over to laugh at me too huh? Now they probably think Im the biggest idiot to walk on this planet.
No they didnt baby, they thought that it was cutethat it is cute that you are trying to fit into this lifestyleI mean you are a city girl and all.
Yeah, yeah. Come on, show me what the heck you want me to help you with so that I can get this over with and get the heck out of this zoo you call a barn.
You sure?
Yeah.

Tina reached down and grabbed Bettes hand to lead her back to where Bessie was. Bette was very tentative and walked slowly and gingerly around the cow, trying to take in everything that Tina was showing her and explaining to her about what to do. Watching in amazement at the ease at which Tina was able to fall back into her country roots, a smile spread across Bettes face. She always enjoyed watching Tina do things that she had learned growing up like gardening and fishing at the lake, but never before had Bette ever witnessed Tina up close and in her element like this. It made Bette smile to be able to have this window in to Tinas life growing up and she couldnt help but feel a bit excited to be able to share and experience the Tina that no one but her family got to see. Still deep lost in thought, Bette was jolted back to reality by Tinas voice,

Bette. Bette have you heard anything Ive said?
Huh? What? Oh yeah, I heard you.
Yeah sure you were babe. If you were listening to me, then why dont you get your ***** over here and show me how to milk Bessie.

Bette let out a huge sigh as she inched closer toward where Tina was seated on the stool in front of Bessie. She had been so entranced by Tinas graceful movements as she milked Bessie and so lost in her thoughts that she realized that she really hadnt been paying any attention to the instructions that Tina was giving her. Tina got up and let Bette take a seat on the stool, knowing full well that this was probably gonna be another hilarious sight to see. I can do this. Ive seen it done on TV. Bette thought to herself, but still those thoughts and having Tina standing next to her did not prepare Bette for the sight that was now right before her eyes.

What the *****?
What? Whats the matter babe?
How the ***** am I supposed to know which one of these tings to use?
Theyre called teats babe. And what did you expect just one teat with a huge arrow and neon sign saying pull here?
Well that would have been helpful. So what am I supposed to do again?

At that question, Tina felt a huge wave of mischief wash over her, and even though she knew it was a little mean, she couldnt help herself.

Well you have to make sure that the opening is unblocked first, so you grab a teat, face it at you to check the opening, and then pull to see if you can get milk out of it.
Oh, okay. So I check it like this? It wont hurt the cow will it?
No, it wont hurt her. Yeah, thats it Bette, just like that.

Bette did exactly what Tina had told her and was greeted with a huge squirt of milk right in the eye. It knocked her over backwards off the stool, legs flying up over her head with surprise. Tina stood there yet again, pointing and laughing at Bette when she tumbled over backwards off of the stool and onto the ground with fresh milk splayed out all over her face.

What the!?
HahahaThatsthats hahathats what you get for paying such close attention.
Oh ***** no! What the ***** was that for T?

Bette got up grumpily after being laughed at for the expense of Tinas amusement. She was trying her damnedest to try and partake of Tinas former Green Acre farm life and all she got for her efforts was her being made fun of and a whole ***** load of hay stuck in her hair and clothes. She turned to Tina once more, grumpy and pouty as ever and turned to walk away,

Im going in the house. Maybe Denise and Lance will treat me a little better.
Aww babe. Come on. Dont be upset, I just couldnt help myself. Come here you.
No.
Yes. No come here and let me give you a hug and kiss to make it all better. Now wipe that pout off of your face.
Why youre just gonna put it there again later, so maybe I should save you the trouble.
Bette.come onI promise to behave the rest of the day. No more making trouble to you today.
Promise?
Mmmhhhmmmm. Promise.
Well you had better be sure, or my ***** is on the first flight back to civilization, back to LA, even if it means I have to take a trip in that damn crop duster thing again.

Bette was still a but salty from being the butt of Tinas laughter and couldnt help but sit and sulk a little while Tina milked Bessie. Tina felt bad tat Bette had gone through so much already that day. She decided to suggest to Bette a nice picnic down by the small lake at the edge of the farm. After the morning that Bette was having, Tina thought that it was the least that she could do and that the change of scenery might make the week a bit more fun and vacation like for her wife.

Babe?
Yeah?
Im almost done here, and I was thinking that maybe we should go down by the lake for a picnic and we can spend the rest of the day there. Its a beautiful day and I was thinking that a bit of fun and sun might cheer you up.
Theres a lake nearby?
Yeah at the edge of the farm.
Good Lord, T. How big is this damn farm?
Not as big as Uncle Bobs. So what do you thinkdo you want to go down to the lake?
Yeah that sounds great actually, I think Ive had enough farm life lessons for today dont you think?
Okay great. Let me run this up to the house and ask mom to pack us a basket. Why dont you go in and get changed to go.

Quicker than lightning Bette was out of the barn and off toward the house. She couldnt wait to do something a bit more normal and spend some quality time with Tina. Tina finished up with Bessie and headed up toward the house not long after Bette. She told Denise about their plans and headed up to get ready to go. She passed Bette on the way to the room and couldnt help but laugh at the excitement in Bettes eyes, it was almost as if Bette were a child again. Once changed, Tina made her way into the kitchen and could here voices and laughter emanating through the halls. When she reached the kitchen she smiled at the sight of Bette helping Denise pack the lunch basket, all the while talking as if they were childhood friends.

Ready babe?
Yeah, Im definitely ready.
Okay, lets go then. Well be back later in the afternoon okay mom? Come down and get us if you need us.
Alright, have fun you two. And Bettewatch out for snakeshahaha
Awww Denise now why did you have to say a thing like that.
Its okay, come on baby, lets go.

Tina grabbed Bettes hand and led her out of the house before she would be too scared of the snakes to go. They headed off towards the lake, calling out to Lance as he rode the tractor past them. Bette and Tina chatted and laughed as they walked hand in hand toward there destination, having to stop numerous times as Bette jumped and bolted frequently at any rustling of the tall grass, swearing to Tina that it was a snake. Tina would laugh at this and try to calm down her very paranoid wife, and after sometime, they eventually made it down to the lake.

Once at the lake, they found a nice shady area to spread out their blanket and towels. They ate their freshly packed lunch and talked and talked as Bette asked a million and one questions and Tina recalled her childhood memories to answer them as best as she could. Bette was engrossed in Tinas stories as she listened intently about Tina younger years, she had heard all of these stories before, but somehow actually being here on the farm where Tina had made these memories, made the stories that much better and that much more fascinating for Bette. Tina talk and talked about how she and her brothers and sisters would spend their days doing chores and helping out around the farm, it was hard work, but Bette knew by the sparkle in Tinas eyes that she had enjoyed it. Tina also told Bette about all of the things that they used to do for fun and all of the mischief that the used to cause for her parents. Bette and Tina alternated between talking dips in the lake to cool off and lounging around on the shore for most of the afternoon. The time seemed to be flying by as the two was having so much fun and conversation that afternoon.

It was getting near 6:00pm and the duo were still down by the lake laughing and talking about everything under the sun, thoroughly enjoying each others company. Bette was still asking a million questions about things Tina used to do for fun and she told Bette about how most summer days they would spend it at the very lake that Bette now sat next too. Tina even pointed out to Bette the rope that still dangled from a large tree and hung over the water. Feeling a renewed rush of energy Bette listened as Tina told her about how they used to swing from the rope and jump into the water. Tina had barely finished the story when Bette jumped up, threw off her towel and headed over to the large tree with the rope.

That sounds like fun T. Bet I can do it too! Wanna see?
Bette maybe you shouldnt do that, I dont know how old that rope is

Bette was so excited at the aspect of showing off a little to Tina that she did not hear Tinas last comment and kept on heading toward the tree. She stood at the base of the tree studying it, trying to figure out how she could get her city self to climb that country sized tree. After a few moments, Bette decided to just go for it, climbed up toward where the rope hung and stood triumphantly on the branch with the rope in hand. She smiled and waved at Tina, trying not to show the fear that had now made its way through her body, she was up there and she was gonna show Tina that she could use that rope with the best of them. Tina sat there shaking her head as she sighed, This could be bad she thought to herself.

Doing her best not to let her fears back her down now, Bette took a huge breath, muttering ***** it, as she crouched down in preparation to jump off of the branch. Bette jumped as far as she could, holding on to the rope tightly as she swung back and forth over the lakes cool water below. She shouted and laughed with excitement as she continued to swing over the water and let go of one hand long enough to wave at Tina before grabbing back on again. Bette began to use her weight to swing her higher and higher in an effort to show off to her wife that had made fun of her that she could have just as much fun as the country folks did. Suddenly the rope snapped in two sending Bette plummeting toward the water below. She landed in the water doing a huge belly flop, practically splashing the water in the lake out of Nebraska and back to LA.

Oh *****! Bette! Bette! Are you okay?

Bette emerged from the water, gasping for air, trying frantically to move the her hair that covered her face. She quickly caught her breath and began to swim toward Tina and the shore. Her belly stung from the not too graceful belly flop that she just did and her swimming technique was more of a dog paddle than anything else as she neared dry land. Concerned for Bette Tina asked her if she was alright and tried to comfort her as best as she could before beginning to roll on the ground with fits of laughter once she knew that Bette was okay.

Its not funny T! Stop laughing!
***** yeah t hat was funny. You should have seen yourself hurtling through the air before doing a wonderful three quarter twist, half somersault belly flop into the water.
Its not funny! I could have died! You should have told me that the rope might break.
I did, you just didnt listen.
Did not
Did too.

Bette and Tina continued to argue about whether Tina had told Bette about the rope all the way back up to the house. Bette was so grumpy about flying through the air and being laughed at again that she had forgotten all about the snakes that she was afraid of earlier. Once back up at the house Denise and Lance told them that dinner would be ready in a little while and for them both to go get cleaned up.

Everyone sat around the dinner table talking and laughing about the days events. Most of the laughter again was at Bettes expense, but she brushed it off and joined in with Tinas family and eventually ended up making fun of herself. After dinner they stayed and talked for a while longer before Bette excused herself to go outside and catch a breath of fresh air. As she neared the door, she did a quick scan to see if Jessi and Danny were anywhere near before she stepped out on to the porch. She sat on a rocking chair, shaking her head as she recalled the events of the day and after some time heard Tina come out on the porch to join her.

Hi baby.
Hey.
You had a long day today.
I certainly did. I feel utterly exhausted.
Well why dont we call it a night and go to bed early.
Sounds like a great idea T.

Bette stood up as Tina wrapped her arms around Bettes waist. She reached up and caressed Bettes cheek lovingly before leaning in for a gentle, love filled kiss.

Baby, I love you. And Im sorry for making so much fun of you today.
Mmmm, I love you too T. And its okay, I probably would have been laughing at myself.
It will get better I promise.
I hope so, cause the week isnt even half way over yet. Come on, lets go to bed. Im going to need my rest to be ready for what every the ***** it is that is in store for me tomorrow.

They walked in to the house hand in hand and headed for the bedroom. The stopped to say good night to Tinas parents, got ready and crawled into bed. Bette wrapped her arms around Tina and as she drifted off to sleep she thought to herself, And the long ***** week continues.