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The Thawing of the Ice – Chapter Thirty-Five
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Chapter Thirty-Five
Bette didn’t go in to work that day. Instead, she called into her assistant and headed for home. Once there, she changed into her swim suit and started doing laps. The water felt good; cool and calming against her skin.
Breastroke.
Backstroke.
Breastroke.
Repeat.
As she soared through the chlorinated water, she tried to let the images behind her eyes fade away. She tried to make the roaming thoughts cease. And no matter how many iterations of strokes she completed, the playback in her mind refused to cease. After her fifth repeat, she swam to the side of the pool and held herself up, her chest heaving.
She remembered her first encounter with Helena Peabody. She’d been separated from Tina, post the Candace Jewell fallout and her boss at the California Arts Center had sent her to New York to plead to the Peabody Foundation for funding. Helena had replaced her mother, Peggy, as the head of the foundation and Bette had come ready to kiss ass in order to secure the money the CAC had needed. Helena had been distracted, haughty, and unprofessional.
And Bette had hated her for it.
She thought back to that visit and wondered what Helena must have been thought of her. Bette had been arrogant and self-serving and in retrospect, she thought Helena had made the right choice by awarding the money to Tina’s program for disadvantaged youth.
But at the time, she’d been livid. And things between the two of them had gone downhill quickly. At least until the past few months. Something had changed between them. The night of the art talk had shifted them around and now Bette didn’t know how to be separate from the woman. She craved Helena; wanted Helena in her space at all times.
Yet, she had an offer of forever on the table with Tina.
The mother of her child wanted to reconcile and start life anew.
Bette pulled herself and grabbed a towel. As she ran the soft material over her skin she asked herself softly, “What if I can’t stop hating her? What if I do the same thing to her that she did to me?”
It seemed wrong to have to force things with Tina when they came so naturally with Helena. She was relaxed with her best friend. She was herself. She was calm and patient and kind and loving. And Tina’s presence always seemed to bring out the anxiety. A roiling tension that was hard to escape; only Helena seemed to be able to calm her down.
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wow Tina’s letter was good. I’m glad Tina is being assertive yet patient.
Wow…this is a Six-Flag ride of a FF. Tina, is being so honest and vulnerable. Please, return the honesty back, Bette. Tina’s words and actions match. Hence, she seems authentic. However, with Bette waffling one moment from wanting Helena to thinking about getting back with Tina, her “truth” seems so opaque. There is a part of me that wants to quit reading, as I fear for my Tibette heart…but your writing is mesmerizing. Great job!
Wow..now that was a declaration…you goTina, but is it too much, too little, too late to ever try again!! You know, it’s not whether B loves T, but whether she can get past the hurt. Maybe she can, but maybe can’t and either is okay as long as she is being honest with herself and making decisions with no regrets!!! I appreciate Tina going for it, I love H’s chivalry…but what will B want??? I love this story!!!
A lot of people seem to think that once Tina finds out about B & H that she will fall apart with devastation. I actually think she’s determined enough that she still won’t walk away. She does know Bette better than anyone after all. Tina thinks things are slowly progressing in her favor but she doesn’t know the real size of the mountain she has to climb yet. Once she finds out though about the real challenge ahead I still think Tina is stubborn enough to not go down without a fight. Bette still feels love for Tina its just manifested in anxiety at the moment. If she didn’t still feel love for Tina the anger and anxiety would be replaced by indifference. I suppose Bettes email to Helena will say something about taking her advice and grudgingly giving Tina a fair chance but doing so under the perception that it is somewhat pointless. Bette emotions are always so in the moment, that anything can change her mind it seems. She’s so selfishly complicated, its a good thing she’s got beautiful going for her.
I don’t think Tina’s devastation is going to come from finding out about Helena so much as from knowing that all her efforts were for nothing, and Bette knew it but continued to encourage her by her acceptance of them. Bette is encouraging her by accepting the gifts and her advances with a smile and gratitude to her face so she thinks they are making progress when in fact most of what she’s done has only served to annoy Bette and push her closer to Helena. That’s my beef with Bette. When it was the reverse and Bette came groveling – Tina’s reactions very clearly showed her that she wasn’t getting anywhere. She was dating Helena openly and she told Bette that all she wanted from her was to form a partnership to parent Angie. What Bette is doing is sending a message to Tina that she has a chance while at the same time she’s hiding her relationship with Helena and she’s being two-faced and cowardise. She can protect her heart all she wants but be honest about it. If after Tina knows what she’s dealing with if she still wants to fight then at least they will be on a level playing field and she’ll know what she’s up against and then she can decide if Bette is worth it. Another point that I thought was a bit odd is Tina letting herself into Bette’s house. Bette acted as if it was a normal occurance so that makes it even more natural that she would tell Tina that Helena is living there in case Tina barges in on her or them. That’s just a courtesy considering they are co-parenting a child. The love aspect of it is a separate issue and if Bette wants to keep her romance a secret from everyone thats her business but what is she ashamed of. Why would she want to hide her love for this beautiful angelic person that has brought so much joy to her life?
“Now she was ready to return home. ” Yeah but, as Neruda wrote: “I no longer love her, true, but perhaps I love her.Love is so short and forgetting is so long. BTW – “Forgetting is So Long” by Bananafish was the first fanfic I read on this site. It was captivating, well written and got me hooked. Unfortunately, She never continued or finished it. However, I was soon taken with “Pardon My Umbrella” by Shakennotstirred, one of the best fanfics I have ever read. 2004. That was the year, those were the days
Anyway, I’m back from memory lane. About this fanfic, talking with Helena is easy and talking with Tina is hard. Just thought of the Carol King song, “It’s Too Late ” The way Tina cast off Henry without a care – what goes around comes around, karma and all that… I think this is a Belena fic. I may have to still my aching heart and love the plot as much as I do the skill with which you are layin’ it down. Well done!
Tina may be ready to return home, but she may not have a home to return to.
this chapter made me ponder…is bette craving helena because she feels comfortable with her and she knows she won’t risk her heart with her or because she’s genuinely falling in love with her? tina’s letter was very honest but i wonder if it’s a little late? i’m afraid my tibette heart will be broken but i’m anxious to know where this journey ends
Wow that letter was heart wrenching. Even though its not real, I felt the pain and saddness in Tina’s words. Very well written. Lovely.
I was having trouble reconciling this Bette but after reading this chapter I think I understand her hesitation to just come clean with Tina. She’s a coward and she’s afraid to face her fears so she’ll put it off until she’s backed into a corner. Maybe it was fortuitous that she was in the house when Tina arrived because had Tina not been distracted she would have seen evidence of Helena’s presence. That might have been the impetus for Bette to finally be honest about what is going on with her and Helena. Just like it took Tina seeing her with Candace and Jodi confronting her about cheating. Had those events not taken place she would have continued her deception with the women she claimed to love. Maybe in her mind she was sparing them the pain, but what she is doing to Tina now is even more cruel and heartless. She hates Tina, she can’t stand to be in her presence for long, she gets anxious and her stomach knots at the thought of her, at the same time she is craving Helena and she is so distraught after a simple kiss that she can’t even make it to work. How heartless and uncaring is this woman that she would ask Tina out for a ‘fun night’ when it’s just a matter of time before she completely destroys her. How cruel a game to play with someone’s heart. Tina is so far gone that I dread the outcome of this deception. She doesn’t even have a ‘friend’ of her own to catch her when she falls. My heart is now bleeding for her. She is truly experiencing the Porter wrath but maybe she’ll think she deserves it for all her wrong doing and will still want to be with Bette in the end.
WOW… Sorry couldnt stay away frm ur story. Can u see how much pain Tina is going through?? Whn u write, plz plz do her justice. Helena made Bette’s life living hell, and then too Bette could fall for her. Tina loved her all those years unconditionally. Bette cheated and Tina reacted, but Bette cant get back with Tina??? If love can kindle after hate Tina is the one, her natural other half. I know this is your story but TiBette really really are my happy hope. Plz consider my plea. u r amazing writer and ur story is highly addictive. Readers should be warned…☺
I really like how Tina is dealing with all of this. I can’t say that I am not intrigued as to where Bette and Helena would end up but I wouldn’t lie. I am a die hard TiBette fan and above all else I want them to always be together but I know this is not my story therefore I am here to read and share the experience with everyone else. Thanks for the post! Lovely as usual.
This, from Tina’s letter: “I want to do a better job of communicating with you so that you don’t have to guess what I’m thinking and feeling.” And also, this: “Was she your escape from the pain? The release valve that allowed you to hold up your head and finish up the art show when the weight of the world was on your shoulders? Did she make you laugh? Was that the reason you picked her? Was her skin softer than mine? Did she kiss better than me? What made you pick her?” And still yet, this: “And what kept me from reaching out to you?” …. All I could think, reading those words, were how ironic this all is. The same is applying, Tina can only guess how Bette is feeling. The same questions about Candace could apply to Helena, should Tina ever find out about what Bette’s feeling are towards HP. And what is keeping Bette from reaching out to, or even being honest with Tina? Your next post can’t come soon enough, MTS. Thank you. :)
I think Bette is holding on to her anger against Tina, is out of her fear of what could happen would she let go and open her heart for Tina again. Its the only way for her to keep Tina at a distance. I’m somehow glad she asked Tina out on a date ‘of fun’, it will help her see if they still can be together and let go of the past. Of course she should come clean with Tina about her feelings for Helena, but I think she has to process it first for herself completely. Not sure how to feel about Tina letting herself into Bette’s house without much consideration. Lets face it she’s no longer living there and she can’t just assume it would be okay and that if Bette is supposed to be at work she can walk into Bette’s house and invade her private space as if she was still living there. Even when her intentions were to leave something nice for Bette its just not the right way to do it, but that’s just my opinion. Thanks.
The ironic thing about this story is that Bette was the catalyst for change in the growth and maturity of all the other characters and she is the only one that is still stunted and hasn’t moved past the thing that is keeping her from being free to love and find joy and happiness to pursue the life she wants for herself. Her conversations, support and encouragement helped Kit, Shane, Alice and Helena to look at their lives and to make decisions and changes that have resulted in their happiness or at least has given them focus. Tina’s changes came about a bit differently but Bette played a part. Unfortunately Bette has now created a situation where her actions and inactions will surely destroy the beauty of new found friendship and renewed love in two women that love her and want the best for her. It will change the group dynamics when they all interact socially. No matter the outcome of this love triangle they will all lose something of themselves that will set them back. Please let her come clean to Tina before Friday’s date. Maybe at their night of fun they will run into Alice and she will ask about Helena. Or two weeks from now when Helena is back and Alice has her launch party someone is going to run into someone else. How encouraging it would be if Bette would surprise us all by being mature enough to be proactive in this situation and not wait until it blows up in her face.
That was such a sweet chapter. As I have commented before I love Belena fics, but I do not care what this ends up as because it is such a great story, your words make it come to life as if you were standing there watching the characters. I will be very sad to see this end, it has been a long time since a story has captured me like this one. You are one talented writer & I thank you for sharing your talent with us. PPVS :o) xx
Point well made, pandp. Bette’s inaction is maybe, in small part, her way of taking back power. She has an escape in a relationship with Helena, and the nature of that relationship is something that Tina doesn’t really know about. Maybe Bette’s not told her because she knows that disclosure of her secret could crush Tina. Having that kind of power over someone’s heart, after all the hurt that’s been caused by both sides, can be as unknowingly seductive as it is likely to cause anxiety.
Bette has already told Helena she loves her. At this point there’s nothing she can tell Tina, as far as her intentions with Tina, that wouldn’t be disingenuous. You can’t proclaim love to another person then go back to your ex only because that person (Helena) told you to. If you don’t want to be with Tina with all your heart, please don’t bother. Bette still hasn’t had the decency to tell Tina that she & Helena are living together, let alone that she now loves Helena. I’m sure if Tina was aware of Bette’s actions she would be gone by now. I really don’t know how you can go out for a fun night with the person that you’ve been deliberately keeping things from which you know will adversely affect your relationship and cause her great pain & suffering. It’s cruel & unusual punishment. On their “fun night” how is the convo going to go?; Bette: “Over this past month and a half I’ve failed to tell you a few things, so here goes. In that time that I was supposed to be deciding whether I want to be with you or not, Helena & I miraculously became best friends, I moved her in, we fell in love, we kissed, & I told her I loved her. In that exact order. I think. Now let us continue with our fun night”. Tina: “What the fuck?!?! That confession just drained any fun I might have right out of the night. Don’t you think you could’ve told me these things much earlier instead of stringing me along? Who are you and what happened to the decent person I used to know? See ya and I hope that you find that decent person again because Angie needs her”. Bette needs to tell Tina everything BEFORE the “fun night” so that Tina can go on with a clear conscience knowing that she tried her hardest to work things out with Bette & all Bette showed her was that she has no heart. Tina deserves to know the Bette she’s dealing with now is not the Bette she once knew & is pining away & fighting for. Bette should be ashamed of herself. Tina deserves better, so much better. Thanks for the story.
My goodness you have really given us all something to think about. I think Bette’s cowardice is shining thru right now. She should tell Tina the truth about helena living in her house. In fact, while helena is gone she should take the time to find a place of her own and move her things out while Bette is at work when she gets back to town. Also I think helena should back the hell out of this relationship that is forming, she does not need to be in this mix. When I first started writing this comment I was holding out hope that the title of the story meant that Bette was thawing out her heart towards Tina and now it has finally dawned on me that the thawing of the heart means Bette’s heart is thawing towards helena. Now I’m getting sick over the thought. My TiBette heart truly hopes that the thawing means that Bette and Tina are thawing towards each other, and not Bette towards helena.
Last line: Now she was ready to return home………Tina’s been ready, it’s Bette that won’t decide. I agree with everyone else, Bette needs to come clean with her feelings for Helena, it’s cruel to string Tee along if she’s not interested. Bette’s indecision is killing me.
Love how they’re all threading carefully…B,T&H…giving each other time, giving themself time.. For me this story’s about Bette and her self-reflection..she and Helena hit the ground, hard…two alphas that broke and are in the process of rebuilding. Love how carefull they are about thrutfullness of their feelings. Love how Tina finally came back..to her normal self. Where did she went noone will ever know:)) But she was out, left the life she was living and made it with someone else, no matter how short it was. She was out, Bette was always present, no matter in what type relation they were. Think it’s a long way in front of her, to earn trust and maybe spark a light again.It’s funny how people forget sometimes. Anyway, wonder what will happen on SS site launching party:)) Will Tina see Belena together, their calm, raw emoitons, connection between them…will Helena see Tibette together, their history and old love?? Anyway, can’t wait!! No matter which turn you take the story, I’m following!! Think tibette made some standards and great love story we all want to achieve and experience one day..but really love belena twist. as I said, realistic for me! Thans for posting regularly and thank you for making us nervous!!! Lmao;)))
JUST NEED TO ADD: people are fuming about this story, LMAO!! But it’s just a story,one reality in the universe of FF. Bette doesn’t own anyone anything. To Helena she was truthfull, they both are aware that they’re not sure why they feel what they feel and they both took and gave time to figure it out. and taking it slowly. To Tina…she’s mother of her child, her ex love..but there is a lot history between them, lot of love at any form – for Tina it’s romantic, for Bette not, at least at this point. She’s truthfull to her also.she stated she doesn’t know and is not sure what will be.It’s T’s choice to try to seduce and she’s well aware how things are. I don’t remember her telling Bette she f*ed Henry on their bed. No need to debate why or how it happened etc, we all have our oppinions. Anyway, Helena’s in their life for a long time, she’s the part of the group so there’s nothing wrong she’s staying with Bette…if they weren’t involved more than friends it wouldn’t even be quetionable. Think Bette is and will be open to HER personal thing, when the time is right, to the people she’s willing to open. Nobody’s perfect..and in life, real ad fictional, everythin really IS very simple, people just love to complicate. so basically, think only few of us would react that open way lots of you are seeking. Please don’t take this personal..;)) Love, preace and all that…yeah;)
Wow!! Tina has laid herself bare to Bette what a beautiful and heartfelt letter but I just feel that Tina’s heart is going to be ripped and hung out to dry. I just with Bette would get a bloody grip and tell Tina that she is in love with Helena. I just feel that Tina will fall apart and who will be there to pick her up? With what I have read so far the story says to me that Bette wants Helena more that anything,she has told her that she loves her, she comes over all warm and fuzzy when she is in Helena company and even when she thinks of her. Bette simply put in my opinion is in love with Helena. When she has been in Tina’s company or even on the telephone to her she either can’t get away fast enough or Tina makes her so, so anxious that has me wondering why Bette’s hair has not turned grey with all the stress!! I love this story I really do it is written beautifully. Thank you!
Wow, I hope you realize what a great job you are doing with this story. You have everybody up in arms! Tibette followers, Belena worshipers and even those who are neutral. Everyone has an opinion. I have to agree with jp22 on this one. Thanks for posting daily, it keeps the debate alive and interesting!
2 just abosolutely amazing updates. I love Tina’s letter but am curious as to Bette’s email to Helena. Can’t wait for Bette and Tina’s outing. Thank you for this wonderful story.
this was a really good chapter i enjoyed it