I grab some other clothes from the drawers and close the suitcase, then take it to the front door. Is there anything else I need? Whats that? Why didnt I see that when I walked in? I approach the coffee table andfreeze. My heart drops, and my vision blurs. My pregnancy journalBette was looking through my pregnancy journal. I move to the couch and take a seatslowlyhesitantlyreaching for the notebook. Opening the book, I flip through the pages. Some of the ink is smeared. What could have done that? Its been wet. What could Bette have spilled on my journal?tears. I clutch it in my arms as I realize what was spilled. I lean down and bring my knees up, wrapping my armswith the bookaround my legs. Now lying on the couchI begin to cryslowly drifting off to sleep.


OkayIll call you this afternoon. I hear a voice from outside. What time is it? I must have fallen asleep. I peer at the clock8:00 AM. Oh no! I better leave before Bette gets home. Wait, A.M? As in morning? Bette didnt come home last night? Or did she? She just let me sleep on the couch? Go check the roomshed probably still there. No Tinadont go checkjust grab your bag and leave. I get outside and dont see her carso she DIDNT come home last night. I wonder where she stayed. Its not your business anymore Tina. YOU left HER remember? Thats right. She has the right to move onand so do I. I stop in my tracks realizing what I just thought. I close my eyes and swallowI dont WANT to move on. I regain my composure and go back to Alices. I need to get cleaned up and get down to the personnel office.

I walk in the door and go into the living room, stopping to put my bag in my room. Sorry I didnt call Alice, I apologize profuselyshe must have been worried. Its justI went back to the house

How did THAT go, she interrupts. Never mindit must have gone well since you spent the night.

Not really, I squash her hopes.

What happened? Now shes concerned. She stands up and walks over to me. Putting her arm around me, she gestures for me to take a seat.

I just went to pick up some more clothesthe interview went greatin fact I have to stop by the personnel office today to fill out some paperwork. My old boss practically begged me to take my old job backbefore I had a chance to tell him why I was there.

What happened at the house Tina? Shes trying to keep me on track.

Well, I packed my suitcase and when I was about to leaveI took one last look around, cmon Tinaout with it. thats when I saw my pregnancy journalit was sitting out on the coffee table.

You think Bette was reading it? Of course she was reading it! I wish she took this much interest BEFORE I lost the baby.

I flipped through it and found some of the ink had run, I continue, like it had been wet.

Wet? Shes puzzled. With what?

I think it was her tearsI think Bette was reading the journal and started crying.

Oh, Tina, she tries to comfort me.

You know, the only time I saw her cry about the baby was on that show, I cant understand why she wont show this side to me. Why couldnt she open up to me?

I dont know honey, she pulls me in for a hug, I dont know. At that the tears flow freely. Tina? Shes trying to get my attention again. Tina?

Huh? I sit up, drying my eyes.

What happened after you found the journalafter you looked through it?

I fell asleep on the couch, I tell her barely able to contain the tears.

Did Bette come home when you were still there? I close my eyeswhat do I tell her? What do I tell myself?

I dont think she came homeher car wasnt there when I left.

Oh Tina, once again, she pulls me in for a hug. Shes probably just at her sisters place. I bet thats where she went. She probably drove by and saw your car and didnt want to bother you.

Yeah, thats probably it.

Why dont you go take a nice, hot shower, itll make you feel better.

Youre rightI think I will, I say, standing up.

I need some advice later alsoif you have a chance.

Sure, Alanytime. Let me just take a shower and Ill feel betterbetter able to give advice. Walking into the bathroom, I undress and hop into the shower. The hot water runs down my bodywashing away my thoughts. Im beginning to feel better already.



Okay Alicewhat kind of advice did you need, I ask as I walk up to her at her desk.

She closes her computer and turns to face me.

I need help with Dana, she says. Is she still hung up on that bad vibe thing from Tonya?

Al, I dont think you should stick your nose in her relationship with Tonya, I start. Shane and I both agreeTonyas not that bad. Why cant you see that?

I think my judgment is a little clouded when it comes to Dana. What does she mean by that? She cant be any more clouded than the rest of uswere all Danas friends.

Clouded? I ask her, how so?

The night of Provocation Please dont take me back there. Im sorry Tina, but you were so upset that nightI couldnt bring it up then.

Bring what up? Im growing a little impatient. I dont want to remember that night.

I kissed Dana, she exclaims.

You WHAT? That came out a bit louder than I intended. What were you thinking?

I was thinking I couldnt let her marry Tonya.

So you kissed her? I cant believe she did that. You should have just told her you dont like Tonya.

I triedbut I couldntand thenI just kissed her.

Alice What am I supposed to say? If this develops into somethingshesshes the other woman. Look, I cant deal with this right nowI have to go fill out some paperwork. I know I just ended this conversation abruptly, but I cant talk to her right now. What if there IS something there? What if its the same with Bette and Candace? God ALICE! Why did you have to spring this on me when I have to keep my head on straight today? Without another word, I turn and leave the apartment. I know I have to talk about thisI need to talk to someone about that nightbut who? By the time I reach my car, Ive come to the conclusion that I need to call Dan Foxworthy. I call him as I get in the car and start the engine. Im in luck, Dan has an opening today. I dont know what Id do if he didnt. Satisfied with the phone call, I hang upfeeling much better. Ill just tell Karl that I have an appointment later this afternoon and I can only stick around til three.

Forty-five minutes later, Karl hands me the keys to my new office. I unlock the door and open itWow! I must have been more valuable to him than I thought. I walk in and sit at the deskmy desk. Turning in the chair, I gaze out the window. The building is up on a hill and I can see both the ocean and downtown Los Angeles in the distance. What a beautiful view. I wish Bette could see thisI catch mind in this instinctive thought and reproach myself.

Ms. Kennard? I turn my chair back toward the door, looking at the woman inquisitively.

Hi, she introduces herself, Im JoanIll be your assistant. I brought the paperwork for you to start on. She approaches my desk and places a stack of papers on front of me. Lee from personnel will be up in an hour to help you finish it up.

Thank you, I say. She turns to leave as I remember Dan Foxworthy. Joan? I have an appointment this afternoon and Ill have to leave around three

Ill be sure to remind you at two fifty-five, she breaks in. I think Im going to like her.

Thank you, Joan, I tell her before she closes the door on her way out.




Ms. Kennard, I hear Joan voice through the door as she knocks.

Come in, I call to her.

Its almost time for you to leave.

Oh I look at my watch, I guess I lost track of time. I gather my belongings and walk through the door. Passing Joan I tell her not to stay too latewe have a lot of work ahead of us next week. Out the door and to the carI dont want to be late for this appointment.

To Be Continued