She knows.

Lara knows what that animal did, she knows because I didnt tell her the truth. She went to see Conrad because of me.

Guilt bites into every nerve of my body, shame stings me and I wish I could crawl away and die.

What if she hadnt been able to escape, what if he had hurt her the same way he did me?

But then he did hurt her, look at her beautiful face. Those bruises are there because of me, I might as well have beat her myself.

Shes looking at me with eyes that dont tell me much. What is she thinking?

Is she about to tell me that she never wants to see me again, does she want to scream at me for letting this happen to her?

I cant take this silence, its worst than anything she might say to me.

I love you Dana.

What, did she just say she loved me, how could she still love me, why would she after whats happened?

I know that you didnt tell me because you thought I wouldnt love you anymore, you thought Id blame you for what he did, but you were wrong. Nothing could ever make me stop loving you and if youll let me I want to help you get through this.

I cant believe what Im hearing, she wants to help me. Lara was almost raped because of me and she still cares.

I….dont know what to say….you mean you dont blame me..

She reaches over slowly and takes my hand, I want to pull away I dont deserve to be touched by her.

None of this is your fault, do you hear me baby, none of it!
But isnt all this my fault, if I had trusted her enough, trusted in our love she wouldnt have gone to see him.

How can you love me..you know what he did to me….

None of it Dana, none of it matters, this is the only thing that matters now.

Suddenly she kisses me and for a brief moment I close my eyes and pretend that nothing has changed and for the first time since her raped me I feel like I might be able to beat this.

But then his laughter fills my ears, his face blinds me and I push her away.

Im sorry Dana I shouldnt have kissed you, I should have known youre not ready for anything like that…

Is this how it will always be, when the person I love kisses me will I always push her away?

I want to tell her that its ok, that it wont happen again, but I cant.

So we sit here, she waiting for me to give her a answer but what am I going to tell her?

I love Lara, god I love her so much, I want her more than anything but can I give her what she deserves? Can I give her the kind of relationship she wants?

Dana…if you need time to think I can wait…Ill wait on you forever if I have to.

I dont deserve this woman, shes more than I ever dreamed of, how can I let her go now?

Lara..I love you so much.

I throw myself into her arms and she hugs me close. This feels so right how could I have been so blind before?

Maybe everything will be ok after all.