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    Until I saw her

    For the final part of the question and answer portion of the audition process which is right before I have them read aloud from the script, and after I ask them to state their name, age, location, and other general information I ask them to tell me anything else they feel I should know.

    She said, “I’m not a lesbian, but I’m willing to do what it takes!”

    Her response took me by surprise, but I knew I couldn’t let it show so I just got lost in my thoughts Oh my God! Did she just say what I think she did? Does she know what I’m feeling? Is it that obvious? No, she can’t know what I’m feeling…I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I would know first right? This is so embarrassing…and confusing! Wait…Is she trying to tell me something? Does she feel the same way? Get a grip Ky…I’m straight…I like guys…only guys…I think? Oh, shit! I should probably say something…

    “Uh Miss Carlin, why do you think it’s important for me to know that?” I ask timidly.

    To which she happily replied, “I want you to know that even though I’m not a lesbian, I’m willing to play one if a role calls for it. I want to be an actress more than anything so I’m going to do what I have to for the sake of my career!”

    All I could say was, “Oh right…your career.”

    … Of course, she was talking about acting. I’m such an idiot! What’s wrong with me? Why is it that every time I look at her these feelings don’t feel wrong anymore? How’s it possible to feel so wrong, and this right at the same time? Why do I suddenly want to rewrite the entire play so that it’s just me and her playing to girls who are lovers? … I don’t know anymore and I’m beginning to care less and less…Ky… your doing it again, you better say something to her so she doesn’t walk out…“Okay I’ve been thinking, and I’ve com to a decision…Congratulations Miss Carlin, you’ve got the part!”

    She looked happy yet confused as she asked, “But how I haven’t even read for the part yet?”

    The response to that question came easier than the rest; I told her the truth plain and simple. “No need. You’re perfect!”

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