Oh, my god! Bette

Is it that bad?

What in the world?

He calls it a David for modern times

Yeahbutwheres the rest of David?

Bette crossed the main room of the gallery, tossing into a corner the huge sheet which had covered the sculpture Tina was gawping at. She stood next to Tina and crossed her arms, scanning the height of the 8-ft, incredibly life-like, incredibly erect plaster *****, complete with a pair of…well, you know.

Where did he get theuhinspiration for it?

He said its supposed to represent all of MANkind

Its a little crookeddid you notice that?

MANkind has imperfections.

Tina dropped her gaze to the base of thesculpture, and rethinking that, whirled around to look at the other, slightly less graphic pieces. Bette watched as she ambled aimlessly, pretending to be interested in what she was looking at. Is he *****? Tina asked suddenly, glancing at Bette over her shoulder. Bette turned to face the sculpture again and shook her head, Soooooo *****. They both chuckled, their laughter echoing off the white walls; Bette made her way back to her office where Tina was pouring herself a much-needed cup of coffee. God, thatwasjustfrightening! she commented, blowing on her coffee to cool it. Bette sifted through some papers on her desk and shot her a playful glance, So, Ive succeeded then Tina, still a little flustered, didnt hear Bette; she instead gulped her coffee and shook her head, Positively scary.

*

Shane, Dana, Tina and Bette were gathered around their usual table at the Planet, chatting over lunch on the Saturday before the opening of Bettes new show. The discussion on whether or not Tina should get highlights in her hair was interrupted by Shane waving to Alice who was walking over to them. Collapsing into the chair Shane pulled out for her, she slammed her notepad and her bag on the tableand something else which Shane quickly picked up and began waving around with a playful grin.

Dana: Alice!

Alice: What?

Dana: What the ***** is that!

Alice: Its called a *****, Dana.

Shane: Oh *****! You didnt just use this, did you?

Alice: No its fresh and new, hasnt even seen a drop of lubricant.

Bette: Whatis it doing here?

Tina: Midday romp with your boss?

Alice: Oh, god NO! I had to do a story on this ***** bookstore that opened up near Venice Beachthey were promoting a book…

Bette: Hence the *****

Alice: Heyit was free.

Dana: God! Its so huge!

Tina: Oh, thats nothing compared to what Bettes got

A hush fell over the group; not knowing where to look, Shane tried to twirl the ***** like a baton and Dana became enthralled with her soup. Alice stared smiling at Bette who was giving Tina the look of death and gritting her teeth. Tina stuffed another grape into her mouth, thoroughly enjoying the various shades of red Bettes face was acquiring.

Bette: Shes talking about the Stanley piece.

Alice: I dont think Ive ever heard of that oneoh, is it that new kind with the ridges around the

Bette: Its a sculpture, as in art sculpture, its gonna be in the show tomorrow.

Dana: Youre gonna have a ***** in your show?

Tina: Its plasterand its like a hundred feet tall

Bette: Seven foot ten…

Shane: That is a pretty big piece

Alice: OhOH! Stanley! Oh, god yes, I remember himoh, hes obsessed with male genitalia.

Dana: Is he *****?

Bette, Tina and Alice nodded their heads in unison. A waitress brought Alices lunch-to-go to the table and she began to gather her things. Shane, meanwhile, was slowly slithering the pliable, jelly ***** up Danas arm.

Shane: Open wide, Dane!

Dana: ***** off!

Alice: Alright, Im off

Shane: Hey dont you want this?

Alice: UmI think Ive got one like thatoh, and here

Alice pulled out a strap-on attachment and tossed it onto the table, I think the owner was trying to flirt with me or somethingsee ya! Dana was thoroughly disgusted and embarrassed at this point, Ill follow you out! She clutched her bag, flipped Shane a birdie, gave Bette and Tina a hurried goodbye and scuttled away. The remaining trio laughed at Danas modesty for a good while until Shane grabbed her sunglasses and stood up; she had a one oclock appointment. Hey arent you forgetting something? Tina asked, pointing at the ***** and strappy leather. Shane shook her head and donned her shades with a wry grin, I dont really need that stuff. She gave the pair a quick wink and sauntered off. Tina and Bette were left at the table alone and in silence, taking turns to look at each other, then at the fluorescent pink ***** nestled in a bundle of leather in the center of the table.