Tina looked at Bette, then at the machine that was playfully teasing her, winking at her like a bad joke waiting fo a laugh. The cold machine that with her rhythmic sound was keeping Tinas hopes alive. Sighing, letting air fill her lungs Tina moved closer, unable to move her eyes from Bettes face.

You know Bette, you cant do this, you have to wake up, I know you can hear me Tina said, not finding the words she needed to voice her hopes, her feelings. Carefully, very slowly she sat at Bettes side, taking her hand in hers. Delicately she placed her forehead on Bettes hand. Smeling Bettes scent Tina felt new tears runnig down her cheeks. Kissing Bettes hand lightly Tina released it, ducking her hand in her pocket, looking for a tissue.

Surprised, Tina found the letter she didnt remember putting there. The letter Bette talked about during their last conversation. Scared, seeing Bettes handwriting on it, Tina opened the envelope, unfolding the letter,

Bug,
I just woke up and you are not here. I looked for you and you were nowhere. I went back to our room to check on the babies and I found your note over the pillow.
I have a meeting in half an hour, wasnt going to go but Greta is here and she doesnt mind looking after the babies till you come back.

Im writing you this because nine months ago I promised myself I wasnt going to let my insecurities push you away again. I woke up and you were gone.Till I found your note the most horrible, devastating ideas came to my mind.
I know you. I know these past weeks you have been distracted. I know there is something in your mind and I know what it is. I havent said a word because I think is better if you come to methere are things that sometimes are better left mute, others we have to voice, but all of them should just go with our heart.

Not finding you here brought back some feelings that I thought I was way over. I felt as my lungs were closed, I could not breath, I started shaking. Fear was runnig throught my body. I guess am still surprised that we are together, that we are a family, that we have two beautiful babies. I guess deep down I still cant forgive myself. I know this is silly, I know you have forgiven me long time ago. But even knowing that, I fear. Thats the funny thing about guilt, it shows its ugly face from time to time.

I looked for you, then I found your note and everything became clear. Jules was awake, there is something special about him. I took him up and brought him into bed with me. Watching him staring at me, calmed me. His tiny hands, his smile (just like yours) and his beautiful green eyes. I watched him and I thought about you. He is so calm, he is always quietly observing, not like his sister who even now I can tell, likes to make an entrance. Watching him Ive been thinking about this past weeks.

I know you Tee, Ive learn to know you, to read youthis past months have been like a new beginning, Ive got to know you all over againI know the meaning of your trembling lips, I know the meaning of your loosed hand when you watch tv and it rests on your lap, I can tell when you want to be left alone, you dont say it, you just walk outside, to the pool, quietly, not making noises. I know that you wanting some time for yourself doesnt have to scare me, just means that you enjoy the quietness, the silence, the sweet smell of the garden when the sun is settingI know you love it and I love how sometimes, when I come home tired, or not in the best of moods you always make me go outside, making up any excuse for me to follow you, you always calm me and at the end of the day, when I see you sleep I think, I realized that you have done it againyou have shared your secret place with me, you have gave me your heart.thats what I have learnt this past monthsso I know whats in your mind now.

I know you love me and I also know you love the babies but since your talk with Helen there is something haunting you. And I know is not just Jacks memories, its something else. I think all this news, so many changes in your life has made you think about all those what ifs that make each and every life precious and different.

Id love to talk with you about it but I also know Im part of the problem. I hope you find the right person to talk about it you need to talk about it, you need to sort things out. You need to do it because Ive seen how your smile is becoming drier, how the glow in your eyes is darker. You are feeling guilty and you dont even know what to feel guilty about.

I love you Tee, I trust you. Im here and I can wait. There is no rush, Im going no where. I have everything I need, everything I want, here around me. Jules, Jamie and you. Thats all I need, thats all I want.

Tee, I know you are scared, but you have to face the past to walk into the future. Talk with Helen, see what you feel, what you need, what you want.
I know what I want. I want you. I can wait. I have a whole life ahead of me to wait for you. Dont feel guilty, follow your heart, find what you want and grab it. I know Ill see you there.
Love, B.


Tina sobbed, trying to control her shaking hands, her broken soul, her wounded heart.Tears were falling down, wetting Bettes letter.
Looking up, watching Bette, Tina cried. She stood up, leaving the letter on the chair. Taking Bettes hand she leaned closer, her face buried in Bettes neck. Sobbing, quietly crying, Tina whispered, each word bathed in tears full of hope, full of love.

Babe, please, Bug, pleaseI need youI need you here, I need to see your smile, to hold your hand to hear your laughter. Bette baby, am here, am yours. I dont have to question myself, Im a foolI know what I wantI Tears were closing Tinas lungs, she was unaware of how her hand was caressing Bettes face, of how he words were closing opened wounds.

Please babyJules is here, he is waiting, and Jamie toothey are herethey need youI need you, I love you With each new word she was saying, with each scary feeling she was voicing Tinas body was relaxing.
Tiredness hitting her, leaving her asleep close to Bette, sitting on the chair, her head on Bettes bed, close to her.