Why? Why did I think of her? I’m just going to fuck up her life again. How can I do this? How can I hurt her over and over again?

“Shane?” she comes closer again, her hand on my face. It feels wet, cool to the touch. “What’s wrong?”

Are you crying Shane? I didn’t think you had it in you to cry…. I didn’t think that you were scared either but I guess I’m wrong. Will you cry when it happens? I really hate it when girls cry.

“Yeah…yeah I think I would.” she runs her had through her hair, which is lighter it’s not as dark as it was before. “I was just about to make breakfast when I saw you out here….how did you find me?”

Yeah Shane how did you find her? Can you tell her? Can you remember? If you lean forward a little you could see down her shirt…come on Shaney just a peep.

I can’t remember how I got here…I drove. I know that because my jeep is here. He said this would happen from time to time…that I would lose moments. I hate this.

“I uh…information?” is that what I did? “I don’t remember.”

I shouldn’t have said that, the voices won’t stop…they keep screaming, whispering…taunting me. Calling me back to the dark quiet…to a place I can’t remember. To a place that left me questioning…that I’m scared of.

She nods her head, a worried look in her eyes. She folds her arms across her chest as we walk quietly into her building…why is she wearing her overalls? Why does she look so worried? Is she scared? Can she hear my heart beating?

I can feel it pounding against my chest…that fucked up rhythm that reminds me that I’m all wrong. It’s only fitting that everything with me is fucked up…I just don’t know how I got so fucked up. Her kitchen is yellow; a small worn wooden table sits in the corner. The sound of a kettle whistling… the sight of food left almost forgotten on the counter. We use to eat breakfast at the planet every morning with them…I wonder if they are freaking out. I wonder if they’re looking for me.